Just because I'm all alone at the office...

I think I should write down my beef with the current situation at home before my head explode!
I put up a happy face here at the office but since the boss is away in KL, my senior-clerk is attending a job interview and all the other on-site workers are out, I crumble.

I hate feeling the way I feel when I'm around TB. Even secretly calling her TB here in my blog feels like I'm doing something bad. 

BUT.

I really do H.A.T.E. her!

So mean of me, right?
Hopefully my BIL doesn't read my blog..heh.....
Wait, I need to turn of the radio, can't think with songs blaring through my ears.

So, why am I like this? So conflicted? Because my mom taught me better than this. She's the sweetest person ever, loved by all her ex-students (most still keep in touch with her even after so long) and she is always nice to everyone. I am normally quite nice too and polite and considerate and easy-going. Well, I'd like to think so.

BUT.

With TB, all I can feel is hatred, anger, loathing. <---See how evil I become regarding that person?

Due to past experiences, I would never intentionally be in the same place as she is; kitchen, living room, front yard. Whenever she's around, I've always restrict myself to our room. I'd only leave the room when I absolutely have to (to pee, make Shahrin's milk, attend to the boys) and I'm sure that she would be in her room instead of where I need to go. I speak to her only when I'm spoken to. I can never look at her straight in the eyes. I don't eat the food she cooked.

I hate feeling this way. 

I know that what I'm doing is wrong; being rude/disrespectful/ignoring to an elder person, especially your husband's mother (albeit she's only his foster mom) is a sin. I am aware of this.

BUT.

I can't help feeling this way.
Even Ahmad knows how much I hate his mother. He even takes me out to dinner since he knows I wouldn't eat what she has cooked. How fu*#ed up is that, huh?

BUT.

He still wouldn't move out.
How long do I have to subject myself to these emotional abuses before I can say

ENOUGH IS ENOUGH!!!!!!!!   

and do what I have to do for my own well-being? Would I be selfish if I take my boys away from their father just because I can't stand their 'grandmother'? Would I hurt myself by leaving Ahmad just because I hate his 'mother'?


She said she'd move out. I was happy for at least the 1 year that she stayed in Taiping. Now she's back.

What should I do?

Coincidence much?

Do you believe in coincidences? Or chance? Some people might call it fate.
What ever you wish to call it, I do believe in it.

Coincidence1

For example, last month I made the decision to alter quite a few of my old baju kurung. I haven't worn most of them since uni due to my 'expended' size hehe. In the past years, I only wear 3 or 4 of my newest baju kurung, limited to going to wedding receptions, Eid celebrations and official businesses. Other than that, I've only worn T-shirts/blouse with jeans or slacks as my everyday casual-wear.

The decision to send my old baju kurung  to be altered came after a neighbor came asking if I have any clothes to donate to a needy family in our area. As I went through my small collections, I realized that I could still wear most of them since they were only slightly tight as oppose to some which were unfit for me at all. Those I donated but the ones that were not as tight, I sent to be altered.

As it turned out, that decision came just at the right time. After accepting this new job offer, I have been wearing my newly altered baju kurung to work. If I hadn't done so last month, I would've been in trouble this month, office-attire-wise. At least I can wear different sets each day now as oppose to being limited to my 4 sets. 


Coincidence 2
This one has got to be the best one yet. As I started working 2 weeks ago, TB has been here just as long. ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Months before I started working, TB has only ever came back on Mondays to attend the weekly micro-finance meeting with her financier. Then, depending on her schedule, she'd either stay another day or two or she'd leave on the same day. She's been commuting from Taiping-KL-Matang Gerdu all these while, with the intention to move to KL permanently has been told to neighbors, over and over. I have grown accustomed to this arrangement and felt quite alright with her being around just a few days.

Unfortunately, as of early May, when my BIL came back to live with us (he and TB rented a house in Taiping, so he can go to work easily since his office is there), she has been a frequent dweller too. Then, on Monday (30/5) last 2 weeks when she came to attend the meeting, she hasn't left. She was supposed to go to KL to visit her other child, currently staying with relatives and stay there with her. I don't know why she had stayed.

The only blessing for me is that with this new job, I don't have to face her everyday, with the exception of weekends, since I leave early in the morning and return only in the evening. I survive being in the same house with her at night by limiting my activities in the house and kept to myself in our room. *sigh*

I kept wishing TB would leave, SOOONNNN!!!!!!!!

Ahmad still wouldn't move out.


Huhuhuhuhuhuhuhu.................

Being good in both worlds..

Not that I'm saying I am good at playing housewife but with my new job, the transition from being a SAHM to working-mom is quite challenging. While at work, I do my work but when I get home, I still have to perform the usual 'mommy duties' that I've been doing for the past years.

My only beef with this situation is Ahmad. I mean, when he stays-at-home with the boys, that's all he does. Stay at home with the boys. He doesn't do housework, no ma'am. Even though he did say he could do the laundry, he did such a poor job at it that I have resorted to doing them at night and hanging them out in the morning before going to work. So far, my routine would be:

                       1- Wake up, take a bath and pray Subh (6.30 - 7.00am)
                       2- Hang washed clothes/do dishes (7.00 - 7.20am)
                       3- Make breakfast or not (7.20 - 7.40am) <---- this part depends on whether or not Nazrin  
                           is up since he is usually hungry in the mornings, if he is still asleep then I'd just drink Nescafe
                       4- Heads out to work.

Then, in the evening after arriving from work:

                      1- Assess the situation at home; wash dishes/sweep the floor/pick up toys (5.40 - 6.20pm)
                      2- Play with the boys or just watch BabyTV with them (6.20 - 6.40pm)
                      3- Take a bath and perform Asar prayer
                      4- Give the boys their bath
                      5- Depending on the situation, at night I'd fold the laundry/iron my clothes/cook
                      6- Go to sleep.

Currently, my work at my new job has been pretty simple and easy. And with the boss being out most of the time, we've been keeping it cool at the office; FB'ing, listening to the radio and blogwalking while performing our clerical duties. Thanks Boss!

Well, will update more as the time goes by.

It's here!!!

It's finally here!!!
My new lappy! It's here!
Oh how I love my new lappy......
will tell more about it later bnut for now

good nite coz tomorrow i gotta go to work

6 years and counting...

My ticker counter indicates that as of today, we have been married for 6 years.

Imagine that...6 looooongggggggggg years.......

Has it really been this long?

Man.....

Right now, today is just like any other special day in our married life.


uneventful.

Just my 2 cents.

Read more here

My heart goes out to her parents, especially her distraught father. To go from one funeral straight to his own daughter's funeral must have been mind-boggling. Personally, I don't really blame him for forgetting about his daughter. As it is the nature of 'forgetting', you just don't know when your forgetfulness might hurt yourself or your own. Nobody wants to be forgetful nor do anyone wants to forget important things. Granted, forgetting important dates; anniversary, birthdays, weddings, are not as heart-breaking as this story but some people still sulk over such petty things. But forgetting about a child; in the car, at the park, home alone, some people might consider these to be unforgivable, unacceptable, even.

More similar cases of child left unattended in cars: The Times, WESH, AmandaBeck.
Apparently, such cases are more widespread than we'd like to think: Kids in Cars

I first got exposed to this problem after I watched an Oprah show dedicated especially to a case similar to this one. I couldn't find the link to this particular show but if you click on the above link, you can read more about it.

Why?

How?

Who's to blame?

As observers, we can easily place the blame on the parent who had unintentionally left their child in the car. We can as easily say bad things about them, curse their stupidity; what kind of parent (mom/dad) leave their child in a car like that? But what if it happens to us?

Right now, all I want to do is educate myself better about such dangers and try, try my best to protect my sons from such tragedy. May ALLAH protect my family always. 

My new title.

It's nearly 5pm and I'm all set to head home. I just wanted to write down something here since I have another 15 minutes of 'working hours' to go hehe.

Being a working mom (2 days and counting) is not as hard or as scary as I thought it would be. Granted, my new job is actually very simple; typing names into the database, updating claims from employees, I've always thought that working in an office would be like trying to navigate through traffic during rush-hour. Or maybe I watched too many sitcoms. Hehe. Anyways, my presence here is more like to be the 1st clerk's helper. She gave me stuff to do, I complete them then I 'try' to be helpful by tidying up in the office.

But my boss did warn me that there would be ups and downs with the workflow here. There would be days where things came piling up and rushing through and there are days where the clerk can just take her sweet time completing her tasks. We are currently in the latter mood. Who knows what tomorrow might bring?

Well, can't wait to see my boys. Miss them so much already. Though when I stayed at home with them 24/7, I sometimes feel like bashing my head on the wall due to their naughtiness. :D