2 sad news in one morning.

First sad news:

I sent Nazrin to kindy this morning and stopped at my favorite nasi lemak stall on the way home. While waiting for my nasi lemak to get wrapped, the owner told me that there has been an accident a few kilometers down the road that involves 2 motorcyclists. Her husband has gone there to help. I heard the siren of an ambulance just before we went out of the house this morning, so it must have been on its way to the site. When her husband came back, he told us that one of the victims has just given birth 19, people, 19!! days ago. She's practically still in her confinement period. She should have stayed home with her baby but she was on her way to send her older child to a kindy nearby when she collided with a man who was on his way to work. What really bugged me was the fact that the onlookers who were there said that her husband was asleep at home when this happened. ASLEEP???!!! I mean, come on! She gave birth to your child! Couldn't you have woken up & help send your other child to kindy for a minute?? Is that so hard to do?

Poor mommy...she could still be hurting down there from a normal birth since I know from experience that if she had a C-section, she wouldn't be riding a motorcycle this morning. Only 19 days ago. Poor baby too. 

Second sad news:   

Ok, this is not entirely a real life situation but the reality of it is very real. Really.

If you have ASTRO Diva (Channel 702) subscription, then, you would've seen the snippet for the next episode of Downton Abbey. Spoiler alert!

When I saw Sybil's husband standing by the window, holding a baby in his hand, and the narrator saying something about 'a joy turned into sorrow' or something, I knew Sybil would be in some kind of trouble. This morning, my favorite blogger confirmed it. Read it here. Sybil died during childbirth due to preeclampsia.

She, Cecily the blogger, not Sybil the character, went through this same problem with her last pregnancy that almost took her life. But sadly, she lost her twin due to complications brought on by preeclampsia. It is horrifying to think that 76, 000 women died of it in a year, even with the advances in medicine we have today. I am thankful that my 3 deliveries went well, my boys are healthy & I am still alive. 

Makes you wonder why, after all the hardship women go through to ensure the survival of the human race, couldn't men be nicer to us? 

Ramblings of a mom/wife/who-am-i

It's kinda weird not having to type anything at all.

I've completed ALL the assignment/essay/forum/proofreading projects that came my way since October. Things were hectic for almost 2 month straight but the pay was most welcome. But, the past 2 days have been a bit, well, boring. Heh. Never thought I'd say that but after spending almost everyday in front of the computer, thinking of what to write or how to edit a sentence to make it better, you get a bit disoriented when you are in the same setting but no longer need to do the same task.

Funny thing though, while I was busy completing the projects, at the back of my mind was a constant multitude of chore list that I keep putting off till I have completed everything. Everyday, for the past 3 weeks, I'd open my fridge and think, "I'll clean this when I'm free" or whenever we have to dive into the mountain of clean laundry still waiting to be folded, I'd think, "This shouldn't take to long to finish, 1 day would be enough". Unfortunately, till today, I have done nothing. NADA..

Heheh.

But actually, I started this entry because I have things to get off my chest. I'm just gonna write them in point form coz I'm feeling lazy. 

1- I have something to say to doctors and nurses. Children get sick all the time. When they do, don't just blame the MOTHER! She certainly doesn't want her child to get sick or wait 3 days to see a doctor. What is it with you people? Why do you have to put the blame solely on ME?? Because it's easier? since I'm the only one talking to you even though my husband is in there as well? Do you really think I'd purposely let my kids suffer before seeing you if I could have done it sooner??? This BS has happen to me so many times. It's so UNFAIR! If it was up to me, I'd have taken my kids in the moment I know they are not well BUT I can't. Okey..I need help to handle the boys. Husband has to come along; to drive us, to help manage the boys but he's busy too. Just because I'm a house wife doesn't mean I have time to waste at your stupid clinic just because my kids have runny noses. Ughh...these people act as if Ahmad was not there or not in the picture and just heap the blame on me. BS!! Why didn't you ask him why he didn't take his kids in to see the doctor sooner?

2- I am getting sick of this one old neighbour of us. She has been coming around asking for this and that ever since I've known her. At first I thought, well, she's old and weak, what the heck, right? So, I just give her anything she asks and get this, she has a system for asking for things. She'd casually walk past our window (usually in the morning), take a peek in on the items on our table and would ask questions about them. There was one time when the table was full of food from the night before (my parents came and they brought home-cooked food, YAY! for my mom) and I'd just finished reheating them for an early lunch. She walked past (there's a spot for burning trash at the back of this house and she would throw her trash there every.single.day.even.if.it's.just.one.small.plastic.bag) and as usual, took a peak, saw the food on the table and immediately started asking me about the dishes. Well, since I'm such a polite neighbor, I couldn't just let her stand outside my window while we talked, so I invited her in. In the end, she went home with 3 containers full of the food she sampled while she was here. The same happened this evening. I was frying some chicken nuggets for the boys when she ambled past. She peaked, saw the nuggets and as usual, started asking about them (as if she's never seen one before) and as usual, she said could she have some for her dinner. So? What to do? I had to pack some for her and her husband. I don't mind giving her food every now and then since she's old and frail and I thought her annoying habit was age related BUT people around here has been telling me that she's been that way since forever. She's been perfecting her M.O. since her 20's, who knows? But what to do, right? We're Malays and we are friendly, polite people, so I can't say NO to her when she comes by next time. 

3- This one is positive, promise. I was nursing Khairin the other day, it was noon and the older boys were making noises about being thirsty. I jokingly said, "No, today is my day off!" and you know what Shahrin said? He said, "You can't have a day off, you're a mother!" to which we both laughed. I swear this is not just something I write ok, Shahrin actually said it like that. Hahahah...*ahem* 

p/s: sometimes, I feel proud of how he quickly picks up the correct way of saying things in English but there are times when I feel like I've let him watch to many cartoons. heh heh heh...      

ARGHHHH!!!

Okay...breath in.......................breath out........................................

Things have got to get better soon because I'm very close to pulling my hair (what little that's left of it) or throw something at someone.

Starting with Nazrin last Tuesday, then followed by Khairin and finally Shahrin just 2 days ago.
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FEVER!!!

RUNNY NOSE!!!

COUGHING!!!

PUKING!!! (okay, this one involved Shahrin alone, that one time but still......)


Nazrin is super cranky these days & just not his normal bubbly-self.
I go between feeling sorry for my sons & wanting to take their ouches away to feeling could-someBODY-come-get-these-boys-before-I-bodily-harm-myself!!!????

huh

huh

huh


Case in point: I had to do a No.2 around 9pm just now. I walked by Khairin on the way to the toilet and he was just fine, playing with something. Just as I sat down to do my business, he started wailing. Like ultrawailing..I want Ibu nooowwwww!!! kind of wail. I carried on with my business since Ahmad was around & I fully expected him to get control over things. Unfortunately, Khairin wailed and wailed and wailed till he was coughing out of breath. I couldn't take it any more so

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I HAD AHMAD PUT KHAIRIN IN HIS WALKER & PUT THE WALKER + KHAIRIN 

IN THE TOILET* WITH ME!

The things I do for my boys.
So we had a fun time in the toilet for a while hahahahhahaha lalalalalalalla

* the toilet + bathroom is huge, so that's why I didn't mind having Khairin & his walker in there. Don't worry, I was appropriately covered where it mattered :p

BM entry: Kehilangan...

Pagi tadi (17hb/10 bersamaan 1 Zulhijjah) lebih kurang pukul 7.30 pagi, anak jiran sebelah telah meninggal dunia.

INNALILLAHIWAINNAILAIHIROJIUN....

Kita sedekahkan Al-Fatihah buat dia yer....
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Jiran tu dah dua kali kehilangan..kali pertama, anak dia yang sepatutnya jadi waris harta2 dia dan waris lelaki yang sepatutnya boleh jadi wali kat adik-beradik perempuan dia kalau ayah depa dah meninggal. Meninggal waktu budak tu bakal hadapi PMR plak tu. Pagi tadi plak, anak sulung dia yang dipanggil Ilahi akibat serangan asma.

Walaupun anak tu anak istimewa (dah 20tahun tapi pertumbuhan dia macam kanak-kanak ja) tapi tetap anak dan aku tumpang sedih untuk dia. Parents shouldn't have to bury their children.

Tadi, aku dah set dlm hati nak buat kerja tapi Khairin asyik terjaga ja. Dah nenen & tidoq pehtu tak sampai 20 minit dia bangun balik, nak nenen lagi. First 2 times tu ok lg tapi bila dah 3 4 kali, aku pun naik bebai. Sian budak kecik tu, Ibu marah dia...macam la dia paham..sedih sangat muka dia tadi lepas aku marah dia..Ni dia dah tidoq, aku plak dah hilang rasa nak buat keja, padahal 19hb ni dah due..aissyyy

Nyesal plak..tu la, org slalu cakap, sebagai Ibu kita tak boleh terlalu ikut perasaan & cakap yg bukan2 kat anak kita sbb takut ALLAH makbulkan. Percakapan seorang ibu tu bagai doa, kata org. Kadang2 aku sempat brenti & pikiaq dulu sebelum buat apa2 tapi selalunya terlalu ikut perasaan jugak. Ahmad ada tadi masa aku marah Khairin, baru lepas makan ikan kembung bakaq dlm oven. Maybe dia kesian kat aku (kut la heheh) or maybe sebab sebelum ni pun dah banyak kali aku bebel kat dia..so lepas makan terus dia tolong basuh pinggan mangkuk dalam sinki. Aku ni malam malas dah nak main ayaq, sejuk tangan, kebas jari dari time lepas bersalin Shahrin pun tak hilang2 lagi (6 thn dah ni jari2 aku kebas semcm..huhu) takkan nak cari pasal main ayaq sejuk2 plak malam2 kan. Alhamdulillah la Ahmad tlg basuh dah..esok kurang 1 box to tick off my to-do list utk esok.

Kadang2, sambil duduk layan anak2 makan ka, tgk TV ka (time tak bizi writing la) aku berdoa dalam hati.. "Ya ALLAH, jangan Kau ambil anak2 ini dari aku Ya ALLAH, tak tertanggung rasanya kalau depa tak dak, aku sayang anak2 aku Ya ALLAH.."

Walaupun kena marah mcmana pun, yang nak memujuk tu Ibu la jugak. Macam pagi td, masa aku bangun Subuh, Nazrin bangun & merengek nak yang tu yang ni, nak susu la, nak tidoq atas katil la (dia tidoq dlm ndui@buai) nak tidoq ndui balik la..aku ni bebai la..kang satgi Khairin jaga kalau bising2..sudahnya aku pi marah dia sampai dia lari keluaq nangis tersedu2 kat luaq bilik..dia ni Drama king sikit, merajuk guling2 atas lantai, main lari2 sana sini konon nak aku pi pujuk dia...aku malas nak layan & terus landing balik atas katil nak tidoq blk before kena bangun untuk hantaq Shahrin pi skolah. Waaa waaa budak tu tunggu melalak, last2 aku jugak yang bangun pi amik dia & peluk dia..terus diam..see..w/pun aku yg marah, aku jugak la yg pujuk..kalau aku tak pujuk pun, selalunya depa akan mai jugak kat aku nak suruh aku pujuk...haiiii la anak2..sian hangpa dapat Ibu garang..

Macam baby Adam dalam FB tu, aku slalu tak gamak nak baca update dia..tambah lagi tgk gambaq dia, nampak ja title kat status update ada Adam tu, terus aku scroll down cepat2..bukan apa..dia dgn Khairin sama umoq, beza 15 hari ja, kalau tak salah aku, dia brain damage sbb masa delivery, his oxygen supply was cut-off. Nak tau apa sebenaqnya jadi kat dia google la sendiri yer...yang paling buat aku sedih tu, Khairin pun masa delivery APGAR score dia rendah, he wasn't breathing..unresponsive..tak nangis pun..aku tak la risau sgt masa tu sbb Dr. yg mai cakap kat aku tu relax ja, like he was confident anak aku ok..lain la kalau dia mai cerita kat aku dgn muka serius or gila belabah, memang aku melalak dah la waktu tu..

Alhamdulillah, sehari ja dia kat NICU under observation. Duduk seminggu kat Hsptl Taiping pun sbb dia demam, infection maybe dr tempat depa cucuk jarum tu..Now do you see why aku tak sanggup follow FB Adam? terasa sgt mcm aku terlepas ujian yg sama..tatau la apa akan jadi kat kami kalau Khairin yg kena mcm Adam kena..Nauzubillah Min Zalik...  

 

Enjoying a special time with Khairin..

Khairin is in daaa hoouusseeeeee!!! WOOT WOOT!!!

heh..

my 2 older boys are out with their ayah, flying their wau at the playground. have fun kids!

i'm just chillin' with my youngest, with jamie oliver on the telly (he's touring great britain, presenting all types of food) and a paper to be proofread, while feeding khairin at the same time. talk about multitasking, eh? khairin is very vocal these days. he is babbling right now coz i'm not paying him any attention hahah. it's very relaxing when i don't have to cater to two other mini me and i intend to enjoy every minute of this time. i think khairin loves it too because now he has the whole place to himself instead of having to endure his 2 big brothers. ahmad, you need to take those 2 out more, ok?

khairin has perfected what i like to call 'the caterpillar move'. He would get up on all four, launch his body forward, land 'plop' on the floor and repeat. he has gotten quite far when using this technique. i often have to scan the whole living room area for any potential threats; sharp, poisonous, choking hazards, anything and everything before letting him roll around on the floor. that's a tall order when i have 2 other kids who love to toss their toys all over the place. *sigh*

khairin will be 6 months old in 4 days. YAY!! we've got the green light for solids from the clinic during our visit last week, so i've been experimenting with baby foods these days.

i remember that shahrin was (still is actually) the pickiest eater when he was 6 mo. but then, he had been fed solids since he was 4 mo by the babysitter & developed the worst case on constipation ever. i was busy with my studies back then and wasn't experienced when it comes to babies, so i just allowed the babysitter to do what she thought was right. shahrin was underweight at birth and didn't weight much those days, so the babysitter did what she thought would help him gain more weight. but that's in the past and i'm more experienced now, that's why i waited till i got the green light from the nurse before feeding khairin.

nazrin was the champion eater when he was 6 mo. i loved making porridge for him since he would gobble everything up and when his teeth started coming out by the time he was 9mo, he preferred non-puree food which made everything so much easier for me. by the time he was 1.5 years old, he was already feeding himself and eating food like grownups do. he doesn't mind spicy food and his favorite is fried chicken.

with khairin, i'm starting things slowly with farley's rusks, mushed bananas and boiled potatoes. so far, he seems to like the rusks and the bananas but since he is always busy exploring, i'm still uncertain when it comes to his eating schedule. what i've done so far is to feed him when he seems unsatisfied with nursing after a few minutes. after only 3 - 4 spoonfuls, he'd already lost interest in the food and wiggles off to explore the first thing that catches his eyes. sometimes he'd eat 3 times a day, other times he'd only want to eat once. well, it's still very early & very much trial and error, we'll have to wait and see how his eating habit is going to be in the next days. 

even after 2 older babies, i'm still learning. heh

p/s: if you've noticed how i've grown lazy and have ignored the proper way of writing with proper casing, then yes, you are right. i have been influenced by Syigim from how do i spell the word. just so you know, hahahah.

The downside of Breastfeeding exclusively..

droooooollllllll.......on DURIAN

I can't eat my fave fruit as much as I want!!!!!


This is the second time now. 


I ate durian, Khairin gets diarrhea. 
He pooped runny poo twice today.


Two weeks ago was the same. One day, I eat durian, the next day Khairin's poo is runny.       :(


Poor little man.
Poor me...


Huhuhuhu....have to ration my durian intake.
No way I'm gonna stop eating my fave fruit. Heh..selfish Ibu. 


Bad Ibu! Bad! Bad! 

Parenting issues.

As usual, after I've sent Shahrin to school, I would sit in front of my lappy and log in to my FACEBOOK and check my blog before I start on whatever project I'm supposed to be doing for that day. Today is no different.

FACEBOOK is quite for now but I am waiting for updates on my ex-schoolmate who is in CCU in Hospital Pulau Pinang. I pray for her speedy recovery, insya allah.

Then, on my bloglist, I saw that Cecily has a new entry, so I clicked on her entry. She wrote about sharing space with her mother and having privacy and parenting issues. Read about it here and read the comments too, they are just as informative. Then, when I went to check my e-mail, this article caught my eyes.

So, about the first issue; Shahrin has always told me that he can run fast. I guess that's his 'best' thing. He would always tell me to look while he ran around the house, going at 'super-speed' or something. plus, he's always asking me to check out his new dance moves. They always involve him jumping around with arms flailing everywhere and ending with him on the floor. Yeah, whatever rock your boat, kid. Heh. I would always respond positively without making him feel like he IS the fastest runner or best dancer.

What annoys me the most is when he couldn't accept losing. He always, ALWAYS wants to be the winner, even when playing with our neighbor's kids. I don't know about at school but his teacher once told me that he would sometimes instigate a fight whenever he feels like he's not getting the upper hand. This information was given to me after I asked his teacher whether it was true that a bigger boy (physically, not age wise) was pushing him around. I didn't blame the boy since I know how Shahrin is plus that boy is bigger than he is, so it might have seemed to him that the boy was pushing him around when in reality that boy was just playing.

No matter what I tell Shahrin, he would always want to win. He would throw tantrums when he doesn't get his way. This leads to the second issue. I grew up with corporal punishment, so, that's also how I 'try' to discipline my boys. Being spanked, hit with a rattan stick and even tied to a pole (I took something that I shouldn't have when I was 7) was no big deal. With the boys, I always use the I-am-going-to-count-to-three-and-you-better-stop-before-then approach first. If they do not settle down (it's always something; fighting over toys, over the remote, over drinks, you name it) or things get out of hand, then I dish out spanks. Time-out works too, sometimes.

I know that I am not a good parent though I try to be. Unfortunately, my efforts are not enough when Ahmad is not helping me with the discipline thing. His absence doesn't help either. As some of the commenters pointed out in that article, spanking for the sake of the bad behaviour should be enough but usually kids get spanked more than they deserve due to the parent's frustration or out of anger. This is true for me. When I get frustrated with the boys, I always spanked them more times than they deserve. This is especially true when I'm busy with my projects and they get into a fight, let's say over who gets to watch the next cartoon. When in that situation, I'd either ignore them at first and concentrate on my work or try to talk them into taking turns (which rarely works). When both efforts fail, then I turn into the angry bull. Watch out boys!! Here comes the bull!!

I am aware that this is not good parenting, neither is shouting at them to obey me but I feel overwhelmed sometimes. Especially when Ahmad is present and he chooses not to do anything about it. I think that this is due to how he was raised; never been spanked or pinched or punished. He was dotted on by everyone in his adopted family since he was the 'first' child. He only have to ask and they would give him everything. So, with the boys, his response to their bickering would only to tell them to stop and if they still keep at it, he does nothing. This is what always makes me even angrier. Because I feel I have to do everything in this house.

Update - I started writing this entry at 9am, it's now 12.18pm. Khairin and Nazrin demanded my time so I think I should just end this now.      
  

Quick lame updates..

1- we went for monthly check-up today for both nazrin and khairin. sadly, both boys didn't put on much weight even though nazrin eat a lot and khairin nursed a lot. nazrin's weight is in the lowest weight percentile while khairin is going under the normal weight percentile. not good, not good.

2- khairin has been acting up a lot lately which could be why he didn't gain much weight. anyway, i think i know why; he can already turn on his stomach now! he has beaten nazrin's record of doing so by the time he was 4 months old, khairin is currently 3 months, yesterday was his 3 month birthday hahah. he would effortlessly turn on to his stomach then cry out loud when he couldn't hold his head up and his nose is pinched on the floor, hahah.

3- nazrin is also acting up but i'm not sure why he is. i mean, he's already 3 years old, so why the crankiness?    i thought such behaviour only lasted through the terrible 2..maybe he still couldn't accept the fact that he is no longer 'Adik'

4- i'm out of ideas...hmmm...

-edited-

5- just heard a sad news from a friend. i pray that she stays strong. i regret not keeping in touch with her even though i read her FB status..i'm so sorry rumet T__________T

6- i hate these cartoons; Tom and Jerry, Oggy and the cockroaches, The Grim Adventures of Billy and Mandy. Totally useless and meaningless cartoons..i don't get the stories behind them.

7- i love disney channel, lovelovelove spongebob squarepants

Tired...

the baby just wouldn't go to sleep all day yesterday...

i have big puffy eyes right now @___@

Morning 'pick-me-ups' with Khairin.

Morning peeps,

Or should I say, afternoon? It's been raining all morning here so things are a bit gloomy and chilly at the moment. Hopefully everything will clear up by noon since we're planning to go and have fun at Bukit Merah Laketown Resort today. YAY!! I initially wanted to ask Ahmad to take us to the beach but with all the recent rain, it wouldn't be safe at the beach, especially with 2 rowdy boys. So, a little bit of change to our holiday outings was in store. The boys don't know about this plan yet, it's a surprise for them heheh. 

Owh...meant to do a post about Khairin. 

Well, he's almost 3 month old now and very recently had a total head shave. He is now as bald as an...eagle? hehe.. he has started cooing just last month and giggling just a few weeks ago. Oh, you should see him going, cooing with his toothless grin, tongue all over the place, lips pursed just so and the giggles. OMG! the giggles. I can't handle the giggles hahahahha..

Even after a sleepless night with him, mornings are still happy moments. We'd spend a few minutes just enjoying each other before his brothers wake up. Coffee has nothing on this boy when it comes to giving you a boost of energy to perk you up. Oh, don't forget those ever flapping arms and legs. They are constantly moving, like he's trying to get somewhere in a hurry. Even when I've pinned his arms to his side, he'd still keep moving his body and legs. Hahah.

No pictures though. I need to learn how to put watermarks first. Till then, toodles.  

Better to abort or dump?

Please go read this at Cecily's, I'll wait for you. Read through all the comments too.

So, what do you think?

Personally, I don't know what to think regarding this issue because such actions can never be done by me. Plus I don't think it's legal to abort here in Malaysia and is the amniocentesis test available here? I have no idea. I did find some links that explains the legality of abortion but most of them are in forums, so I don't know if they are legit.

But the real question is, between abortion and baby dumping, which is the worst?






Almost everyday we read about babies being dumped in the most heartbreaking manner, all over Malaysia.
517 babies have been dumped since 2005, as reported here in The Malaysia Insider.

The good news is about half of this number have happy endings since the babies were found still alive. Not so with the other half though. *mommy tears*

I mean, how cruel is that???
How can a person carry her baby till full term and then just dump it in the toilet, in a bag by the dumpster, stuffed into a trash can of a gas station, left by the roadside, thrown from the fifth floor!!!

There are cases where the babies are left in places where other people can easily find them. Those at least showed that the babies' mothers or whoever dumped them have a heart. Maybe they were afraid of the consequences of having babies out of wedlock, thus dumping the babies seemed the only way to go but they still loved their babies enough to place them somewhere that they can be found.

Both issues touched my heart. Abortion is a serious issue but so is baby dumping. One is about deciding to end a life before it really begins while the other one is about getting rid of a life when you don't want to deal with it. So, which one is more horrible than the other?

I had so much to say (in my head) when I first read Cecily's entry but now, all I can think about is MY Baby in MY womb. How I will love him/her with all my heart, just as much as I love my two boys.

And I thank GOD everyday for these precious gifts.

p/s: this entry is rather lame, isn't it? As I mentioned above, I had a lot more to say while I was reading Cecily's entry but now, at this moment, my thoughts have deserted me. I would have loved to elaborate my feelings on this topic more eloquently but the reasoning and facts to support my thoughts are not coming through for now. So sorry about that.

Dilemma of a pregnant Ibu..

Called my parents this morning. 

Well, actually Nazrin was the one who wanted to call his Wan but I took the opportunity to talk to them too.

My mom is still down with fever...*sad*

They stopped by here the other day, on their trip from back home in Alor Star to Atan's house in Ampang during the Chinese New Year holidays.

Mama got sick on the 2nd day they were back home. Since my parents have been taking care of Atan's new baby at her house for the past month, mama had to clean the month-long abandoned house from top to bottom the moment they arrived. She swept and mopped the floor, dusted the furniture, basically spring cleaning the whole house for the baby's sake. She got sick right after that.

This in itself is not new. My mama has been known to work herself sick all the time, especially when her flock gathers at home for holidays or during family gatherings. She always had to be the one to do everything; cook, clean, do laundries, tidy up mess (which to me is quite pointless when you have just about a dozen kids running around all day) and by the end of the day, she'd be bone tired and eventually get sick. It's not like we don't help her with the chores, it's just that she would always do things MORE than each of us combined. 

So, here's my dilemma. I've been planning to have this baby plus spend my confinement period back home. This was the case when I had Shahrin and Nazrin although I only spent a week at home for confinement when I had Shahrin due to him being born earlier than planned. I had him in Taiping and spent most of my confinement time at the hospital where he's at. With Nazrin, Ahmad sent Shahrin and I back to my parents 1 month early (out of fear that Nazrin could be born early too) and I finished my confinement under my parents watchful eyes. 

We had planned the same thing for this baby too since my mama didn't want me to overwork myself taking care of 2 big boys (we could say that I actually have 3 big 'boys' heheh) and a baby plus the usual house chores. I'm supposed to stay focused on healing myself for at least 40 days (the usual confinement period among Malays) by resting, eating a special diet for new mothers and other herbal medicine. I shouldn't be doing anything strenuous like lifting heavy objects or subjecting myself to cold water too often. Mama doesn't trust Ahmad to help me with my usual jobs around the house thus the reason for my spending time at home after having my babies.

Unfortunately, my youngest sister just gave birth back in October last year and she too spent her confinement with my parents. They took care of the baby, her 1st born and herself while she focused on getting better. These days, they are taking care of the baby since my sister has started going back to work and her Indonesian babysitter has gone home with no news when she's coming back to Malaysia. My parents assured me that by the time I'm ready to deliver, my sister would have hired a new sitter and they would be free to take care of me too. 

Today, knowing that my mama is sick, I'm beginning to doubt the idea of going home for this delivery. My parents have spent almost 4 month looking after my sister and her kids. They ARE getting older; Baba would sometimes be bedridden with gout while Mama always have had problems with her aching joints. If I do spend time with them this coming March till maybe around May, I would be burdening them with 4 additional individuals to look after. 3 kids are not easy to handle especially for older folks. Even I have trouble controlling them and I'm their mother who spends 24/7 with them. I don't know if I can impose on my parents with my flock so soon after they had to look after my sister's flock. If my sister hadn't had her baby first, then it would've been a different story all together.

BUT........

I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE MY CONFINEMENT HERE! due to several emotional issues.

So, what should I do? I'm torn between keeping my parents healthy and my issues. 

UGHHHH....     

    

Cute pictures plus yesterday's update.

I'm down with fever since last night and today I'm still not feeling so good.

Started feeling sick 3 nights ago (feverish and runny nose) but 2 days ago I felt so much better that I forgot I was sick just the night before. Felt slightly nauseous since morning yesterday & I haven't pooped (sorry hehe but honestly, its not a nice feeling, not going when you need too) since yesterday. Don't know if the constipation was brought on by the fever or the other way around. But as usual, did nothing about it since I felt strong enough to do housework (which never ends *sigh*).

Around 4pm, Ahmad went out as usual for the night market. Luckily, he may have sensed that I'm not feeling well so he offered to take Shahrin along with him. Since a friend of his went with him to help set up the tent and arrange the goods, I happily said ok to the idea. Actually, I was ecstatic over the idea but I didn't show it to him hahah. Never a good idea to make him feel like I'm taking advantage over him :p

So, I had a blissful evening folding the laundry and making a felt project for Shahrin. Oh, shoot! I forgot the before pictures, dang! Oh well...this project will be revealed soon, so check back here often,okay?

Anyhow, when I said blissful, I really meant it because Nazrin slept through the evening, which I am also thankful for. Now, please feast your eyes (sorry in advance for the crappy shots, I only have a phone camera to work with) over these cute pictures of a sleeping prince and his adopted feline brother.

Introducing our 4th child, Kucing (that's Malay for cat)
since no one came up with a proper name for him.

This whole bed is MINE!!!!

2 hours into their nap time.

1/2 hour later.....cute right? hehe

One word to describe 2011.

I wrote a similar post last year, about 2010.

This year, the word would be; THANKFUL.

I wanted to write about this last night as my way of celebrating the new year but the boys had other things in mind. And since this not a good time to be writing either (they are always bugging me about something *sigh*), I'll make this into points,

1- I'm thankful for being alive for 1 more year. To be able to watch my boys grow into the unique individuals they are today.

2- I'm thankful for the writing class I took last year. It made me realized that I still need to learn more about writing in general and the English language in particular.

3- I'm thankful for the references and the recommendations from friends that have helped my little writing service grow. I think I'm going to promote myself as a technical writer from now on, since I don't know what else to call my service.

4- I'm thankful for the 2-month chance at being a working mom. Even though the pay was low, I had fun learning new skills and making new friends.

5- I'm especially thankful for this unplanned pregnancy that came right after I quit my job. Come to think of it, my pregnancy with Nazrin wasn't planned either since we didn't take any family planning medications, same as this time. However, I can't wait to hold this baby come April, insya ALLAH.

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I do want to share something else here, things that happened last Thursday (29/12/11).

Morning
That Thursday morning, I went for my scheduled check-up and an ultrasound scan at our local clinic. Had the usual weigh-in, blood pressure and urine tested which were in the normal range, alhamdulillah. Then, I was directed to the doctor's room for my scan. At first, the doctor measured the baby's length, width and head circumference to check its progress. Thank GOD it was well in the normal range, as oppose to its brothers who were underweight while in the womb. Then, the doctor turned the monitor over so that I can see too.

At the sight of my baby growing in me, I squealed with delight! Ahaha..even the doctor was shocked when I suddenly did that. Who would have thought that even after going through 2 pregnancies, I'd still overreact upon seeing this miracle in me. Unfortunately, this baby has followed in its brothers footsteps whereby we were only given its backside, so I don't know its gender yet. No matter. I would love it just the same, be it a boy or a girl.  

Evening
That evening, Shahrin invited our neighbors' children (a boy and a girl) over to play as I didn't want him to play outside since he'd already bathed. I gave them 3 sets of jigsaw puzzles given to us by one of the children's mother 2 weeks before. The girl (8y.o.) who came immediately recognized them as her brother's sets (they gave us a lot of sets that they were initially going to burn after they had a spring-clean recently) and told Shahrin not to show them to her brother as he is very possessive about his belongings. As they played, I stayed in my room folding laundry while keeping my ears open to their conversations.

Not long afterwards, as it was getting dark, the girl kept saying that she needed to get home soon since her brother (9y.o.) didn't like it when she left him alone for long. (Apparently, he's possessive about his sister too. He's always bossing her around and making her do things his way). What really broke my heart was when she told Shahrin that her brother didn't want her to play with Shahrin anymore. I never said a word while she was talking to Shahrin but just cried softly in my room. Although I doubt that Shahrin really understood what she meant by her little remark, my heart ached for my son. I've forgotten how cruel kids can be even at such a young age.

Then, as they were talking some more, Shahrin said something that made me laugh even after my tears just minutes before. He said that when he's older, he's going to MARRY ME! Ahahhaa..isn't that hilarious? This one I had to intervened so I went out to the living room where they were playing and told Shahrin that he cannot marry me since I'm already married to his father. I also told him that by the time he's older, I would be too old for him anyway. LOL. Then, the boy and girl decided to leave since it was nearly Maghrib, so I was quite relieved to see them go.
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Well, that's about sums up my last year's stories. Hopefully this year will be brighter with another baby and better for all of us.

HAPPY 2012 everybody!

S.E.D.I.H.

SHAHRIN DAH DI KIDNAP OLEH MAK AHMAD...

SESUATU YG AKU AMAT TAKUTKAN TELAH TERJADI.....

LAMBAT LG DIA NAK BLK CNI.....WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!

IBU RINDU SHAHRIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Pregnancy related issues.

I've been reading Cecily's blog for a long time now and she is an inspiration to me. She writes about anything and everything under the sun. Most especially about her darling daughter, Tori and about the lost of her twins, Zachary and Nicholas.

Apparently, this month she is concentrating on women's health and one of the most important topic that I find interesting to read is about pregnancy related issues. Please go read her article here and here she wrote about issues mothers face after giving birth. Both articles have been eye-opening for me, even now, with my 3rd pregnancy. 

The first issue struck a nerve in me, firstly because next year, in April, I will be facing the same life and death situation faced by all pregnant mothers in this world. Secondly, the stats she presented are terrifying, to think that even with today's medical advances, women still have to face their mortality when they should be celebrating a new life. I've heard stories of friends who experienced horrible birthing situations and I'm sure you have too. I still remember precisely what happened during Shahrin's birth and had even said that I don't ever want to go through it again. Luckily, I had an easy labor with Nazrin though I cheated since I opted for the C-section instead of waiting for normal labor. Apparently he had pooped in the womb (medically known as Meconium Aspiration) while I was only 3cm dilated. The Doc advised us not to wait since it could affect his health, so we agreed to her suggestion. 

As for the second issue, my mom had repeatedly warned me about post partum depression or in Malay "meroyan". She told me not to worry too much about stuff and to ask for help whenever I feel overwhelmed with anything at all. I guess that's why we have 40 days confinement period, where the mother and the newborn are looked after by relatives, especially grandmothers, just so the mother can rest and recover. I do believe this period is necessary, to make sure that someone would always be around just in case the mother IS having PPD or just having a hard time coping with a new baby. That way, she can get the treatment she needs to get better.

Thank you Cecily for the articles. They are truly informative and hopefully will give me more knowledge on how to manage my pregnancy, labor and post-labor situations.  

Random thoughts..

1. I watched The Edge of the Garden last night on ASTRO's Channel 702. About half an hour later, I began to have a feeling that I've watched this movie before, though not the same actors. I kept having deja vu moments while watching this Hallmark movie. Then, it hit me. 

The Lake House!!

Keanu Reeves and Sandra Bullock! Individuals from different times, falling in love with each other. Just like the characters in last night's movie. What a rip off!

The Edge of the Garden:


PLOT: 
A lonely businessman temporarily relocates to Maine after a bad breakup. He moves into a rundown cottage, where he meets the beautiful spirit of a woman who lived in the house fifty years before. As they form a friendship, they begin to help each other in ways they never knew were possible, and change both their fortunes forever.

http://itsawonderfulmovie.blogspot.com/2010/10/edge-of-garden-hallmark-channel.html

The Lake House:


PLOT:


A lonely doctor who once occupied an unusual lakeside home begins exchanging love letters with its former resident, a frustrated architect. They must try to unravel the mystery behind their extraordinary romance before it's too late.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0410297/

Similarities:
a) Both stories involves the 'supernatural', two person falling in love but they are from
different times, just sharing the same space; the house.
b) Both stories have the characters exchanging letters, in The Lake House, Sandra and
 Keanu had the mailbox while in The Garden, Rob and Sarah placed
their letters in a cookie tin and hid it in the fireplace.

Differences:
In the end, Sandra and Keanu did get together, happily ever after while Rob did find Sarah again, problem is, she's old BUT she did have a granddaughter
who's the spitting image of her, so win-win in the end.

And enough of this.

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Moving on.


2. I'm having horrible morning sickness for this first trimester. Haven't fasted in 8 days. Don't think I'll be able to finish this fasting month *sad*. I was hoping to be able to complete the whole month but the baby had other thoughts. Even after sahur, I'd be so hungry by 9am, my stomach heaving and acting up that I have to break my fast. *sigh*


Hopefully my Eidul Fitri day wouldn't be so bad. 

Have You Ever....

1. Sat down in front of your lappy/PC and feel lost? Just sat there, staring at it, not knowing what the heck are you going to do now?

2. Went to the kitchen or any other place in your house and stopped dead in your track thinking, "Bloody hell, what am I doing here?"

3. Picked up your kids' toys and felt bewildered with the enormity of the chaos they've created?

4. Looked at your (in my case, my MIL's) messy living room and thought, "Argghhhhh!!!!! Not again!!!!!"?

5. Locked up your bedroom door just so that your kids can't bother you?

Me? No. 1 - 4 most of the time.

As for No. 5, I wish our bedroom door HAS keys so I can lock it up. Heheh. 

Parenting lessons much?

The following are my response/answer to each scenarios based on my experience as a 'young' (LOL) mother.

1. I have not taught my boys to pick up rubbish outside of our home yet. So far, they've only been taught to throw rubbish in the bin and not to litter around the house or outside. My only problem is with Ahmad who just loves to leave bits of plastics/wrappers/ciggy butt/ash wherever he's been sitting. I've told my boys over and over about the virtue of not littering, however, I do believe their father needs a lesson or two too. In terms of picking up rubbish outside, I think I'm going to wait till Nazrin is a bit bigger/older before introducing him to that activity. Shahrin already knows not to litter but in time I'll teach him to pick up rubbish (whenever applicable/reasonable) when we're outside.

2. I haven't been as nice as Molly with my response. Depending on my mood or my stress level for that moment, I'd either try to decline nicely and give my reasons or would just flat out say NO!. Such incidence has only happened with Shahrin as he can already understand what I am currently doing and for what. The chores that Shahrin has offered to help are to put his formula into his bottle himself, to put the sugar &/or Milo into the cup, to sweep the floor and to make the bed. Understandably, his 'help' usually is not really helpful but I do appreciate them and thank him for doing so (whenever I'm in a good mood hehe). Nazrin has yet to offer his help around the house but you can expect him to create more work for me instead hehe.

3. Hmmm...I'll get back to this part when I have a daughter. *wink wink*

4. This behavior is what always gets to me, especially when Shahrin is the one not wanting to share. I've told him over and over about the virtue of sharing and would always point it out to him when a cartoon/children's show he's currently watching, features the good thing about sharing. He sometimes would share with Nazrin but usually it's a fight fest with those 2. What I've done so far, again depending on my stress level, has been to tell him to share with his brother. I'd do this about 2 or 3 times while they keep fighting over whatever it is they are fighting over. Then, if things start to get out of hand, I'd offer Nazrin something else to play with. Sometimes it works but most of the time, Shahrin would want that one instead and I have to convince Nazrin to play with the previous toy/stuff they were fighting over. There have been times things got so out of hand, I had to remove Nazrin from the play area altogether. I'd distract him by pointing out things I see outside; i.e. chicken, birds, squirrels. Usually, it works and we'd have such fun that Shahrin would join us. From my experience, these situations usually require a 'touch and go' kind of approach. If one tactic doesn't work, then I'd use another one and another and another. Can't wait till they both outgrow this phase. *sigh*

Unfortunately, I do believe that I am not a good mother at all. My reactions have always been driven by my stress/mood level and not much thinking. However, I do make it a point to talk to Shahrin (Nazrin is currently still to little to be reasoned with :D) about his behavior and why I have to scold him for doing something. Sometimes he understands and most of the time, it's 'in one ear and out the other' but we'd always cuddle up afterwards.

Hopefully my parenting methods wouldn't do too much damage to my boys. Gulp.