Parenting issues.

As usual, after I've sent Shahrin to school, I would sit in front of my lappy and log in to my FACEBOOK and check my blog before I start on whatever project I'm supposed to be doing for that day. Today is no different.

FACEBOOK is quite for now but I am waiting for updates on my ex-schoolmate who is in CCU in Hospital Pulau Pinang. I pray for her speedy recovery, insya allah.

Then, on my bloglist, I saw that Cecily has a new entry, so I clicked on her entry. She wrote about sharing space with her mother and having privacy and parenting issues. Read about it here and read the comments too, they are just as informative. Then, when I went to check my e-mail, this article caught my eyes.

So, about the first issue; Shahrin has always told me that he can run fast. I guess that's his 'best' thing. He would always tell me to look while he ran around the house, going at 'super-speed' or something. plus, he's always asking me to check out his new dance moves. They always involve him jumping around with arms flailing everywhere and ending with him on the floor. Yeah, whatever rock your boat, kid. Heh. I would always respond positively without making him feel like he IS the fastest runner or best dancer.

What annoys me the most is when he couldn't accept losing. He always, ALWAYS wants to be the winner, even when playing with our neighbor's kids. I don't know about at school but his teacher once told me that he would sometimes instigate a fight whenever he feels like he's not getting the upper hand. This information was given to me after I asked his teacher whether it was true that a bigger boy (physically, not age wise) was pushing him around. I didn't blame the boy since I know how Shahrin is plus that boy is bigger than he is, so it might have seemed to him that the boy was pushing him around when in reality that boy was just playing.

No matter what I tell Shahrin, he would always want to win. He would throw tantrums when he doesn't get his way. This leads to the second issue. I grew up with corporal punishment, so, that's also how I 'try' to discipline my boys. Being spanked, hit with a rattan stick and even tied to a pole (I took something that I shouldn't have when I was 7) was no big deal. With the boys, I always use the I-am-going-to-count-to-three-and-you-better-stop-before-then approach first. If they do not settle down (it's always something; fighting over toys, over the remote, over drinks, you name it) or things get out of hand, then I dish out spanks. Time-out works too, sometimes.

I know that I am not a good parent though I try to be. Unfortunately, my efforts are not enough when Ahmad is not helping me with the discipline thing. His absence doesn't help either. As some of the commenters pointed out in that article, spanking for the sake of the bad behaviour should be enough but usually kids get spanked more than they deserve due to the parent's frustration or out of anger. This is true for me. When I get frustrated with the boys, I always spanked them more times than they deserve. This is especially true when I'm busy with my projects and they get into a fight, let's say over who gets to watch the next cartoon. When in that situation, I'd either ignore them at first and concentrate on my work or try to talk them into taking turns (which rarely works). When both efforts fail, then I turn into the angry bull. Watch out boys!! Here comes the bull!!

I am aware that this is not good parenting, neither is shouting at them to obey me but I feel overwhelmed sometimes. Especially when Ahmad is present and he chooses not to do anything about it. I think that this is due to how he was raised; never been spanked or pinched or punished. He was dotted on by everyone in his adopted family since he was the 'first' child. He only have to ask and they would give him everything. So, with the boys, his response to their bickering would only to tell them to stop and if they still keep at it, he does nothing. This is what always makes me even angrier. Because I feel I have to do everything in this house.

Update - I started writing this entry at 9am, it's now 12.18pm. Khairin and Nazrin demanded my time so I think I should just end this now.