Upcycled black tank top: Cute tote.

As usual, I'm not trying to present a tutorial but just showing what I did with this tank top.
This is another simple upcycle project to turn something I can't use into something I love.

The tank top in its original condition sans the bra straps that
I've taken out before taking this picture.

 The finished project!

Doesn't it look pretty? It took me only half a day* to turn the tank top into this tote.

Unfortunately, I don't have a handy strap to go with it. Luckily, I found the black

luggage straps among my trash stash and decided to use it with this tote.

 Basically, all I did was sew in the polka dotted gross grain ribbon across the top part of the tank top and downwards through its center. I bought the ribbon from Cintahati Craft along with some felt, more ribbons, a magnetic sheet and buttons that I have yet to use. *sigh* Next, I sewed close the bottom part of the tank top and sewed the corners into smallish triangles.  

Up close and personal.

Remember that fabric flower from my previous post? I made felt leaves to go along with it. 

I know I made more than 1 flower but when I tried putting on all 3 of them on the tote, they looked so crowded. That's why I only sewed on 1 flower here as embellishment. 

Oh, btw, do you notice the buttons along the top part? I saw Shahrin playing with them and putting them onto the ribbon just like that while I was still deciding on what to do with the tote. His inspirational idea made him really proud when I showed him what I did, hehe. 

On a totally unrelated note, can't wait for Thursday to come. I have a date with baby in my tummy!!! Maybe I'll use this new tote for my next visit to the doctor. Mmmm can't wait to see baby. hehehe..

* half a day to sew and finish up the tote but 3 days to find the right handle/straps for it. Actually, I haven't decided if I want it to be a cross-body bag or just a tote, if you notice the 2nd and 3rd picture. 

What do you think? 

Fabric flowers inspired.

I found some fabric scrap in Ahmad's bundle of 2nd-hand shirts. And since I had more time on my hand with Shahrin not around, I was inspired to make some fabric flowers. For a detailed tutorial, please visit Creation Corner.

 I started by making 5 fabric circles. I know that in the tutorial she used 6 

but I liked it better with just 5 'petals'.

 Following the instructions, I folded one circle into half.

 Then, folded it half again.

 I skipped showing the threading part but basically what I did was the same as in the tutorial.

Here's the finished flowers. The top one has 6 petals and the bottom only has 5. 

I liked 5 petals better so I made 2 more '5-petal flowers' using the same scrap of fabric.

 These flowers are used in another project which will be revealed soon

 (since Shahrin is already back home & I have my hands full now heheh).

Mixed emotions.

First off, Shahrin's been kidnapped, AGAIN! Ughhh..how I hate knowing that he's there with Ahmad's mother, far away from me. HATE HATE HATE!!!!

I'm seething right now, can you tell?

Not just because she took Shahrin with her for a 2nights sleepover, it's also because she told me something that would have every mom clutching her heart with fear.

She had a little chitchat with our neighbor before she went back to her house in Taiping. That neighbor told her that Shahrin & Nazrin wandered around her house one day with no supervision (read: I wasn't there with them). Unluckily, her house is right beside the main road, so their unsupervised walk caused a bruhaha at her house. She shooed them home right away when she saw that they were playing alone.

When I heard this story, what came to mind was fear, anger and bafflement. Fear for my sons, of what could have happened to them should they wander onto the road. Anger at her for directing that tone of hers that I hate so much when she didn't even ask me for my side of the story. Bafflement plus anger at the story and Ahmad because as far as I am concern, I've never let them out of the house if Ahmad's not outside or if I couldn't go out with them or our neighbors are not around. Usually, the boys would play outside when our neighbor's grandkids are outside too or her sister-in-law's children are there as well. (The neighbor's house is in front, her SIL's at the back and the house we live in is beside theirs) So, how could it be that the boys had wandered so far to the front that nobody noticed??

I'm still seething. At myself, at Ahmad's mother, at Ahmad.

Did she really expect me to follow along with the boys wherever they go? Given my current condition?? It's always like this with her. She's quick to point fingers, to place blame. These are exactly why I hate her so much. Plus, she'd always put the blame on me coz she dare not anger Ahmad lest he bail out on her. While we're at it, where was Ahmad when this happened? He's always outside, chatting the day away with his pals. Why weren't he there when the boys wandered that far??

I know I'm partly to blame but damn it! I'm still angry at them both for different reasons.

And she had the galls to take Shahrin along to her house when she knows bloody well I don't like it when she does! UGHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  

Inspired..

I love, love, love reading Cecily's blog at Uppercase Woman.
Today I read this post which is such a beautiful and heartwarming post.
She is the most soulful when she reminisce about her childhood and her struggle through the hard years spent being poor. Most touching are stories about how she coped with the death of her twin babies due to complications during pregnancy. Though I have no personal experience with pro-life or pro-choice, I am thankful for my two relatively easy pregnancy and birth with the boys. Hopefully this one will be easy as well.

Another blogger I once lost and have recently found again is Ellie at One Crafty Mother.
If I was ever an alcoholic (and THANK YOU ALLAH I am a muslim, thus forbidden to ever touch it), her recovery stories are inspirational, kind and soulful. Even if you're not an alcoholic, her recovery stories do still touch at the very basic of human feelings. They help you accept your current situation and nudge you towards a better change. Plus, she is a very talented crafter who sell exceptional jewelries she made herself. I started reading her blog because I wanted to join in her monthly giveaways but got hooked on her stories instead. Unfortunately, after losing her URL and finding it again after so long, I found out that she has been tested yet again. This time with cancer in her neck. Such a brave woman, to have survived alcoholism, now having to face cancer. Please do stop by and send her kind words. Ironically, as another reader posted on her comments section, people read her posts and left comments with the intention of supporting her and giving her strength to endure this trial, but I agree with that other reader. I leave her blog feeling her strength and supported BY her instead.    

These are writers whom I inspire to be. I wish I know how to tap into my brain and pull out such eloquent words and quotable quotes. They write what they know and they certainly know more about life and living it than I do.

Do you lie? I do...

Small lies.
White lies.
Lies of omission.
'Selective misrepresentation'.

You know, these kind of lies.

Why do I do it?
Because I find it easier to do than telling the truth.
Because I want to save face.
Because I don't have anything interesting to tell.
Because I can't stand the person I'm talking to.
Because I don't want to be judged.
Because I don't want to hurt anybody's feelings.
Because...
Just because...


How about you?
Why do you do it?

The Boys.

I haven't done this in a long while. I used to do a monthly update when Shahrin was still a baby but I didn't do the same for Nazrin, what a pity. So, today I think I'm going to do an update for both boys.

Firstly, my first born, Shahrin.

Well, he is quite a handful, let me tell you. One minute he is as docile as a sleeping kitten and the next, he'd be running all over the place like a cheetah on caffeine. Most of the time, he'd be watching cartoons and laughing along to GOD knows what. p/s: he used to watch ASTRO Channel 613 which is full of educational programs but these days, he'd watch Channel 616, non-stop if I let him. I don't quite like the programs on that channel e.g. Tom & Jerry, Pink Panther, Courage the cowardly dog to name a few. The first two shows kept showing repetitive actions of falling down, getting hit, getting pranked again and again while in Courage, 'stupid dog!' is said over and over. Ughhh.. Sometimes I can get him to change channels but most of the time, he'd be stuck on 616 all day long. Anyways, he is officially off diapers even at night since last month. It started quite by accident when I forgot to buy his size when we went shopping & he couldn't fit into Nazrin's diaper. so, we went cold turkey on him and I had to wake up every 3 hours and persuade him to go to the toilet, lest he pees on the bed. It was hard work the whole week when we decided that since it worked well the first night, why not continue with it? I practically had to set an alarm just in case I slept the night through. All in all, I don't have to wake him up to pee anymore because he finally get the point of waking up when he needed to go. So, we have successfully weaned Shahrin off of his diapers. Yeah, at 5 years old. Lame huh? Other than that, he is getting better at listening to instructions and doing as he is told. He knows a little bit about addition and subtraction. His spelling still needs more work, so he still can't read on his own. He is also very possessive with his toys. We've had countless fights over toys in this house to the point where I am willing to throw away everything out just to stop them from fighting. All in all, I think Shahrin is just being a growing up boy, learning my buttons and knowing which one to push but sometimes can melt my heart with a simple kiss.

Nazrin, my second boy.

Now this boy is quite the opposite of his brother. He does everything fast and with a I-can-do-it-myself attitude. He eats a lot (Shahrin is a very picky-eater) and always want to feed himself. He learns to do things faster compared to when Shahrin was his age. Maybe it's because he has a role model to look up to or maybe since he was born with no complications like we had with Shahrin. Although he is still small compared to other children his age, I no longer worry to much about it since he eats well and active. He is quite the copy-cat. He'd watch his brother play (anything) for a while and the moment he gets a turn, he'd play it the same way he saw his brother did. Also quite by accident, Nazrin is off diapers too!!! I still have some of his diapers but since he doesn't seem to need them, I haven't make him wear them about the same time we weaned Shahrin off. I usually put his diaper on after he had fallen asleep but with having to wake up to tend to Shahrin, I somehow forgot to put one on Nazrin. But after 2 nights of keeping dry till morning, I decided that Nazrin can manage his bladder well even at night. So, now we have managed to save money on diapers, alhamdulillah. Heheh. 

There you go. A summary of what my boys are doing these days. Ahhh..can't wait for the baby to come out though. With everything that's going on these days, I have a strong feeling that it could be a girl! Uuuuu..the nice dresses I can buy, with bows and laces and ribbons..heheheh. 

Have a nice day guys!      

To: AM

Dear AM,

Missing you so much these days. What happened? You kind of dropped of the face of the earth and you leave me floundering alone. I need you back in my life. Please. Come home to me.

You know, maybe it's hormonal, maybe it's all in my head but lately, I keep feeling like my life is dripping through my fingers, like sand and no matter how hard I clench my fingers, I still can't stop the flow. Patching things up is not helping either. New holes keep popping up and I just can't keep up.

AM honey,

I need your strength, your courage and your intelligence. Please come back to me. I need a shoulder to cry on. Just the other day, while folding Shahrin's sleeveless shirt, I kept staring at that little hole in the back. Maybe some insect ate it, maybe just because it's an old shirt but that little hole made me howl. I can't even buy my son a new shirt! Maybe mak was right, hell, she's always right. But as they say, 'Don't cry over spilled milk'. So why am I crying over a little hole in my son's shirt?

TB kept coming back here last month. I hated the way I feel around her because I know that I am not that kind of person. I hate my hatred. I hate the way TB can disrupt my life just by coming here. Why aren't YOU here? I know I shouldn't allow my hatred for TB rule my life but it seems like I am not getting rid of that monster anytime soon. 'Forgive and forget?' BAH!! How can I forgive if I can't forget?

My darling,

I have no one to blame but myself. Can I partially blame you though? You're my only confidant, yet you leave me in my time of need. How did this happen? Was it something I did? You know, this time around I feel like nothing I do is ever good enough. Especially around Ahmad. I keep wondering what's going on in his head. I haven't been a very good wife lately, I let the house get messy, the sink filled up with dirty dishes, unfolded clothes in the basket. I yell at my boys a lot. I don't give a damn with how I look anymore. I kept thinking, does he love me the way I still love him?

Here I go again. Bawling. I'm such a wuss these days. Told you I need you back in my life. When are you coming back?

Love,
Me.