Dear AM,
Missing you so much these days. What happened? You kind of dropped of the face of the earth and you leave me floundering alone. I need you back in my life. Please. Come home to me.
You know, maybe it's hormonal, maybe it's all in my head but lately, I keep feeling like my life is dripping through my fingers, like sand and no matter how hard I clench my fingers, I still can't stop the flow. Patching things up is not helping either. New holes keep popping up and I just can't keep up.
AM honey,
I need your strength, your courage and your intelligence. Please come back to me. I need a shoulder to cry on. Just the other day, while folding Shahrin's sleeveless shirt, I kept staring at that little hole in the back. Maybe some insect ate it, maybe just because it's an old shirt but that little hole made me howl. I can't even buy my son a new shirt! Maybe mak was right, hell, she's always right. But as they say, 'Don't cry over spilled milk'. So why am I crying over a little hole in my son's shirt?
TB kept coming back here last month. I hated the way I feel around her because I know that I am not that kind of person. I hate my hatred. I hate the way TB can disrupt my life just by coming here. Why aren't YOU here? I know I shouldn't allow my hatred for TB rule my life but it seems like I am not getting rid of that monster anytime soon. 'Forgive and forget?' BAH!! How can I forgive if I can't forget?
My darling,
I have no one to blame but myself. Can I partially blame you though? You're my only confidant, yet you leave me in my time of need. How did this happen? Was it something I did? You know, this time around I feel like nothing I do is ever good enough. Especially around Ahmad. I keep wondering what's going on in his head. I haven't been a very good wife lately, I let the house get messy, the sink filled up with dirty dishes, unfolded clothes in the basket. I yell at my boys a lot. I don't give a damn with how I look anymore. I kept thinking, does he love me the way I still love him?
Here I go again. Bawling. I'm such a wuss these days. Told you I need you back in my life. When are you coming back?
Love,
Me.
Kinda lost. Who's AM? Abah Mama?
ReplyDeleteKucing?
ReplyDeleteAm tu mr hubby...tb tak tau...sabaq yer, setiap perkahwinan ada rintangannya. Walaupun nampak happy tapi hanya Tuhan yang tahu masalah di sebalik setiap rumahtangga...duit memang penting tapi bukan segalanya. Duit takkan cukup...orang kata lagi besaq periuk lagi banyak kerak. Cuba tengok si aman tu, sebijik tayar keter dia rm 2500. Aku nak kumpul rm2500 mau berbulan tu. Lastly, mungkin hormon hg yang membuak. Then jangan fikir bukan2. If you want AM to care bout you, you must care him first...take care.
ReplyDeleteAnonymous - Definitely not abah mama coz i call them baba n mak hehe..no cats here, taknak kena basuh their poop n pee.. yuck.. :p
ReplyDeleteAdelina - mr hubby kan ahmad..bkn dia la tp dia kiranya penyumbang gak la kpd permasalahan aku ni heh..betui la kut hormon, ada hari ok ja ada hari mcm hari yg aku tulis post ni la, nangis ja kejanya..kdg2 nyesal tak ikut ckp mak, kdg2 syukur sgt dpt hubby cam ahmad (dulukan mana ada BF, so low self-esteem nyer case la ni) hehe..insya ALLAH..masih leh cope..tu la kan, jeles gila dgn aman tu, holiday gi europe tp tu rezeki dia la kan..thanks for your concern beb!
Holiday gi eropah....walaupun feels annoyed but im proud of her. Aku...tak suka naik kapal terbang. Asyik ngucap dan fikir bukan2 jer. No thanks. Am tu hang ler....yes you hav to come back. Hormon sama. Pregnant woman suka fikir macam2. Stress kerja rumah, boring, no adult interaction...you need a hug-----HUG------ :)
ReplyDeleteahakss..awat plak hg nak feel annoyed? thanks for the hug..nak lg boleh? heheh
ReplyDeleteJadi siapakah AM? jeng jeng jeng... Drama melayu ka? Korea?
ReplyDeleteOoo got it. Guess I'm too tired to figure it out. Hehe.
ReplyDelete