Just because I'm all alone at the office...

I think I should write down my beef with the current situation at home before my head explode!
I put up a happy face here at the office but since the boss is away in KL, my senior-clerk is attending a job interview and all the other on-site workers are out, I crumble.

I hate feeling the way I feel when I'm around TB. Even secretly calling her TB here in my blog feels like I'm doing something bad. 

BUT.

I really do H.A.T.E. her!

So mean of me, right?
Hopefully my BIL doesn't read my blog..heh.....
Wait, I need to turn of the radio, can't think with songs blaring through my ears.

So, why am I like this? So conflicted? Because my mom taught me better than this. She's the sweetest person ever, loved by all her ex-students (most still keep in touch with her even after so long) and she is always nice to everyone. I am normally quite nice too and polite and considerate and easy-going. Well, I'd like to think so.

BUT.

With TB, all I can feel is hatred, anger, loathing. <---See how evil I become regarding that person?

Due to past experiences, I would never intentionally be in the same place as she is; kitchen, living room, front yard. Whenever she's around, I've always restrict myself to our room. I'd only leave the room when I absolutely have to (to pee, make Shahrin's milk, attend to the boys) and I'm sure that she would be in her room instead of where I need to go. I speak to her only when I'm spoken to. I can never look at her straight in the eyes. I don't eat the food she cooked.

I hate feeling this way. 

I know that what I'm doing is wrong; being rude/disrespectful/ignoring to an elder person, especially your husband's mother (albeit she's only his foster mom) is a sin. I am aware of this.

BUT.

I can't help feeling this way.
Even Ahmad knows how much I hate his mother. He even takes me out to dinner since he knows I wouldn't eat what she has cooked. How fu*#ed up is that, huh?

BUT.

He still wouldn't move out.
How long do I have to subject myself to these emotional abuses before I can say

ENOUGH IS ENOUGH!!!!!!!!   

and do what I have to do for my own well-being? Would I be selfish if I take my boys away from their father just because I can't stand their 'grandmother'? Would I hurt myself by leaving Ahmad just because I hate his 'mother'?


She said she'd move out. I was happy for at least the 1 year that she stayed in Taiping. Now she's back.

What should I do?