'It's complicated'
'In a relationship'
'Married'
'Single' but 'In a relationship'
These are the common status for 'Facebookers' that I have come across. If I have not mentioned your status here, then please forgive me but your current status does not apply to this entry.
L.O.V.E.
This is a very hard and deep topic to be discussed right now, especially in my current state. I will try very hard to be fluid and cohesive with my thoughts but if you think this entry is crap, then please blame it on my non- existing PMS*
Growing up, I have always been chubby (a nicer word for fat, don't you agree?) and rounded in more areas on my body than it should be. But that condition did not bother me a bit back during my primary school days because I have not discovered boys yet. Hehe. Nah, that's a lie but still, I was too naive to even be thinking about boys then. When I got into secondary boarding school, being around boys nearly 15 hours a day made me realized that there is more to boys than being your 'friend'. I had a few crushes while I was there, on seniors and on a few classmates. However, these crushes never blossomed into a more serious relationship other than close friends. My heart never got really broken during these attempts at 'being in love' because I somehow have set my mind at failing right from the start.
I became more serious about love, about the idea of being in love, while in matriculation. I actually 'fell in love' with someone but he never knew about my feelings for him. I didn't know how to attract his attention so that he'd notice me. This is because I am the friendly type, one who is friends with everyone but not one of the BFF type. It's true, I don't even have a best friend, ever. Upss..the secret's out. Pathetic aren't I? Well, to make a long story short, I FINALLY found love at the ripe age of 27. He was my first and hopefully, only LOVE. He is my husband now and the father to my sons.
However, it wasn't a smooth ride at all. When we first started 'dating', I kept second-guessing his intentions of making me his girlfriend. Even now, thinking about it, I felt like I was always waiting for the other shoe to fall. Damn, I am STILL waiting for that other shoe to fall. I was always thinking to myself, 'Why would he want me? I'm not beautiful, attractive or interesting in anyway'. But I truly crave his love and attention. I fell in love with the idea of being loved.
Hence the title for today's entry. The reason I felt the need to make this entry is because I watched CSI Trilogy two days ago and one scene really stuck with me. The murder suspect was telling Catherine that she had committed a murder because she was jealous of the victim. The murderer was a prostitute, living with her pimp, with all the other prostitutes, called 'wifeys'. Her pimp had picked up a new 'wifey' and after raping the poor woman over and over (to wear down her spirit), he told the new wifey the same line about living together that he had told the suspect. She killed the new wifey for taking the pimp's attention away from her. In that confession scene, she simply said, "He said he loved me. Nobody ever said that to me before."
Well, that's just so sad, isn't it?
A friend once told me, "You only think you love him because he is the only one who tells you he loves you."
Hubby was not the first person to tell me he loves me. I do have my fair share of admirers, although they can be counted on just one hand. Hehe. It's just that hubby is the only one that really, REALLY put up a fight over me. My parents were TOTALLY against our relationship right from the start. And I understand their reason for feeling that way. Even so, I just couldn't let him go, I broke up with him lots of time out of respect to my parents wishes. But he kept coming back, he kept on pledging his love for me and through the 3 years we spent in limbo, before finally being given the blessings by my parents, his love and attention kept me going back for more. Maybe, I'm not so different than the character in CSI after all.
Sacrificing everything over just three words.
"I LOVE YOU"
*I am missing my periods very much, haven't had them since being pregnant with Nazrin, so that makes it about nearly 2 years since I have them last. I miss not being able to blame my crappy moods to PMS. *sigh*
** This entry is taking too long. I have so much more to tell but so little time. Think I'll do a sequel. Wait till next time. Bye.
'In a relationship'
'Married'
'Single' but 'In a relationship'
These are the common status for 'Facebookers' that I have come across. If I have not mentioned your status here, then please forgive me but your current status does not apply to this entry.
L.O.V.E.
This is a very hard and deep topic to be discussed right now, especially in my current state. I will try very hard to be fluid and cohesive with my thoughts but if you think this entry is crap, then please blame it on my non- existing PMS*
Growing up, I have always been chubby (a nicer word for fat, don't you agree?) and rounded in more areas on my body than it should be. But that condition did not bother me a bit back during my primary school days because I have not discovered boys yet. Hehe. Nah, that's a lie but still, I was too naive to even be thinking about boys then. When I got into secondary boarding school, being around boys nearly 15 hours a day made me realized that there is more to boys than being your 'friend'. I had a few crushes while I was there, on seniors and on a few classmates. However, these crushes never blossomed into a more serious relationship other than close friends. My heart never got really broken during these attempts at 'being in love' because I somehow have set my mind at failing right from the start.
I became more serious about love, about the idea of being in love, while in matriculation. I actually 'fell in love' with someone but he never knew about my feelings for him. I didn't know how to attract his attention so that he'd notice me. This is because I am the friendly type, one who is friends with everyone but not one of the BFF type. It's true, I don't even have a best friend, ever. Upss..the secret's out. Pathetic aren't I? Well, to make a long story short, I FINALLY found love at the ripe age of 27. He was my first and hopefully, only LOVE. He is my husband now and the father to my sons.
However, it wasn't a smooth ride at all. When we first started 'dating', I kept second-guessing his intentions of making me his girlfriend. Even now, thinking about it, I felt like I was always waiting for the other shoe to fall. Damn, I am STILL waiting for that other shoe to fall. I was always thinking to myself, 'Why would he want me? I'm not beautiful, attractive or interesting in anyway'. But I truly crave his love and attention. I fell in love with the idea of being loved.
Hence the title for today's entry. The reason I felt the need to make this entry is because I watched CSI Trilogy two days ago and one scene really stuck with me. The murder suspect was telling Catherine that she had committed a murder because she was jealous of the victim. The murderer was a prostitute, living with her pimp, with all the other prostitutes, called 'wifeys'. Her pimp had picked up a new 'wifey' and after raping the poor woman over and over (to wear down her spirit), he told the new wifey the same line about living together that he had told the suspect. She killed the new wifey for taking the pimp's attention away from her. In that confession scene, she simply said, "He said he loved me. Nobody ever said that to me before."
Well, that's just so sad, isn't it?
A friend once told me, "You only think you love him because he is the only one who tells you he loves you."
Hubby was not the first person to tell me he loves me. I do have my fair share of admirers, although they can be counted on just one hand. Hehe. It's just that hubby is the only one that really, REALLY put up a fight over me. My parents were TOTALLY against our relationship right from the start. And I understand their reason for feeling that way. Even so, I just couldn't let him go, I broke up with him lots of time out of respect to my parents wishes. But he kept coming back, he kept on pledging his love for me and through the 3 years we spent in limbo, before finally being given the blessings by my parents, his love and attention kept me going back for more. Maybe, I'm not so different than the character in CSI after all.
Sacrificing everything over just three words.
"I LOVE YOU"
*I am missing my periods very much, haven't had them since being pregnant with Nazrin, so that makes it about nearly 2 years since I have them last. I miss not being able to blame my crappy moods to PMS. *sigh*
** This entry is taking too long. I have so much more to tell but so little time. Think I'll do a sequel. Wait till next time. Bye.
Love, Love lah jugak. Mana entry baru ni??
ReplyDeleteKak Anis, orang dah tukar url blog tau. Klik kat nama orang utk ke new url blog ya.
bluwekkkk busuk!
Isy budak berTuah ni, tak abih2 dgn bluweeekk dia, nak kata tgh loya ngandung, dah kluaq pun Tuah tu, haaaa...
ReplyDeleteTuah nak dpt adik ek? jeng jeng jeng
wakakaka..bocor rahsia, ada crush waktu hi-school rupanya..ahaha. so that made me a late bloomer kut, takder crush on anybody..:(( (kalau zamani slam tuh kira ker?)
ReplyDeleteanis breastfeeding ker? sebab tuh kut period tak betul lagi
hahaha..rahsia mendenya Z oii..aku rasa semua org tau my secret crush..tp tu la, it was just a crush
ReplyDeletezamani slam kira la kut heheh
yup, BF lagi smpi skg, dgn Shahrin, BF campur dgn bottle, maybe sbb tu ble ada regular period, dgn Nazrin ni mmg BF ja, dia lgsg takmo botol, tp risau gak la sbb lama sgt tak period
Haaaaa Haaaaa..lantak kak anis tak period! tak tau..tudiaaaaa..!
ReplyDelete