The 'blah' feelings are still not over. These couple of days, one minute, I'd get worked up about something then the next minute, that energy would be gone. Blah!
Just today, I did practically nothing! Got up when the boys kept bugging me about breakfast; Shahrin wanted his formula and Nazrin wanted to nurse and "Andi..Bu..andi" (translation: bath, Ibu (mom) bath), gave them what they wanted then sat down to watch TV with them. After a while, I got up to have my own breakfast, with Nazrin close behind. He's like my shadow, constantly tagging along wherever I go, cute. After finishing breakfast, I left the dishes in the sink and 'tried' to tidy up the living room, which got totally wrecked, again, in 5 minutes. *sigh*
Looked at the laundry basket, thought about dealing with the HUGE pile of dirty clothes in it but then, saw the clean basket of unfolded laundry. *sigh* Decided against doing any washing today, my washing machine could have wept in gratitude, haha. Broke up a potential fight between the boys and had to sit down to referee them, while watching TV, which lasted for hours. By this time, it was already noon, meaning time for lunch, a simple one because I only reheated last night's kenduri dishes (hubby's mother held a small kenduri tahlil for her parents at her other house in Taiping). So, boring everyday stuff happened today. On to my thoughts that I've managed to avoid for a while now.
2. My soon-to-be-days-as-a-student, coming up next week.
My mom's been on my back since like, forever, about finding a job. Previously, she'd been pushing me to get a PhD since I've already have a MSc (which was also her doing, after I spent a year jobless after getting my Bachelors degree). But I was adamant about not getting into it, just finishing MSc was like pulling a tooth with pliers. So, she backed off for a while, then came back with a vengeance, this time with a new twist; job-hunting.
Actually, I kind of blame her for my 'unlucky' job-hunting disaster. During school breaks and semester breaks, she never let me take on a part-time job. School breaks were spent on going from one school activity/competition to another, or studying for PMR and later SPM (I went to a boarding school). During grad school, I mainly spent my days either looking after my oldest sister's babies (I helped care for her 3 older children) or stayed at home.
So, I never have previous working experience, like one of my ex-housemates back in grad school. She spent her breaks working at a factory so she could pay for the next semester. I kind of feel jealous of her, for her freedom and independence. I know I shouldn't blame my mom for my own lacking but I feel like, if she had given me that freedom to work during breaks, at least I could have a better answer for the "PREVIOUS JOBS" section in job-vacancies forms, other than a blank space.
I managed to avoid the PhD issue by suggesting that I take up a part-time class to better dress up my resume. Hence, registration Monday, next week at my old uni but in a different school. My part-time class will be about English for Business, a 40 hours, 12 weeks class. This is my attempt to build up my profile for my translating/proof-reading/editing online venture. Hopefully, this class can give me the boost I need to either start looking seriously at working at home or finding a job that fit my meager skills better.
3. Our own house/home.
This topic is becoming a thorn in my side, a really bothersome issue. *sigh*
I found a house for rent last week but it was a bit pricey. Asked hubby about it but he only said he'd check it out. I don't know whether he'd done so or not because, with him, talking about renting our own house is kind of a 'red switch', with a big "DO NOT TOUCH" sign on it. He knows I hate living here at his mother's house but he's not doing anything to rectify our current situation. If only I'm gutsy enough, I'd just go ahead and rent that house, he can live here alone till the day he dies because I'm taking my sons out of here.
BUT.
I don't have a job. I have no income of my own. My parents offered to pay for rent if I really make it out of this house but they can't support us forever. D*#n! I don't know what to think anymore.
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