To go or Not to go?

That IS the big QUESTION.

My business writing lecturer has taken quite an interest in my quest to find a job or more specifically my LACK of job. She has taken it upon herself to help me secure a job, at least a part-time job by going to her boss with my plight.

So, on Monday, I received an e-mail from my lecturer's boss about a walk-in interview at the National Poison Center, in Main Campus. The position is for Research Assistant, with a contract for 3 months. The research is for an international tobacco control policy. This is something I really would love to get involve in because I have been trying to get Ahmad to quit smoking (and btw, Nazrin is really sabotaging his ciggies supply by crushing them up whenever Ahmad left them unattended, haha) and any part I can do to fight the tobacco companies, I would gladly do.

Problem is, if I get the job, it would be in Penang & I would have to commute quite a bit, about 4 hours both ways. Plus, in that e-mail, applicants would be required to work on weekends and on shifts. Being a SAHM for so long, I'm not comfortable with leaving my boys with anyone for long periods of time, even Ahmad himself. Especially not TB!

And that my friends, is my BIGGEST concern.

What if I do get the job and I do have to work in shifts, day or night, and during weekends too, and Ahmad calls TB to help out with the boys??! I've had enough of TB trying to win over Shahrin and I will not let TB win over Nazrin too. I don't care if the house falls apart at the seams when and if I leave these 3 males by themselves. But I will NOT stand by and let TB rule my boys.

But then again, I need this. Desperately need it.

Our financial standing is on the rocks again. No surprise there. If he would step up, man up or whatever, then I need to, for the sake of my boys. I hate not being able to give them what their hearts desire just because I couldn't afford it. And don't forget, my parents are on my back again about the whole 'get a job' thing. Though I know they are very concern about us but I wish they could just let me be. *sigh*

I could practically hear their disappointment whenever I talk to them on the phone. I am the only child, minus my youngest brother who is still studying, who haven't got a job. And whenever we have a family gathering, only the boys and I will attend since Ahmad wouldn't leave his stupid friends, even for a few days. Usually, during these gatherings, I would feel pitied by my family. My father would always provide for us because he knows I don't have enough money to splurge on anything. Plus, when my siblings are being lovey-dovey with their spouses, Ahmad's absence really tore my heart.

Well, enough with the soap opera. I've made my bed of thorns and so, I have to sleep in it.

My plan for the interview is I am going to call the person in charge and ask him about my concerns regarding working long hours. Maybe we can work something out.

Or not.

The interview will be on the 16th. So, if you're reading this, please pray for me, ok?