Contest entry in English version.

Hi all!

Feeling gloomy again today, so nothing new in that area.

I really want to win the iPad from Mommy Lyna. I've never had anything extravagant, not even a pair of shoes. Growing up, my parents made sure we understand the value of being prudent with our money. Even to these days, I'd always think long and hard about my purchase, especially when it involves expensive stuff. With the two boys growing up and requiring so much more than I do, I'm thankful to my parents for teaching me to live a frugal life. Not to mention our current financial problem, I have to be extra careful with my spending.

So, I want to be able to pour out my problems and work through them here on this blog.

I look at other people (friends, siblings, strangers I met somewhere) and I go green with envy. They have the things that I want, things I crave. A house of their own, a career/business, a happy family, a perfect vacation, bla bla bla..fill in the blanks.

Here on my blog, I get the chance to unburden my feelings without hurting anyone. If they don't read my blog, anyway. Through it, I could look back on stuff that has been happening to me and try to figure out how to move forward from the bad experience. Unfortunately, off late, I have come to the conclusion that I am a coward, when it comes to standing on my own two feet. I get terrified just thinking about what I would do when living with Ahmad (and all his crazy antics) finally come to the point of no return. See, this post is now written in a crappy mood, in case you haven't figured it out.

Here on my blog, I get to dream and make plans and wish that airplanes are wishing stars. I get to write down why I love my husband but why I would really love to bash his head in with a frying pan. I can also reminisce about my historical-hey-day and sit in front of my computer, wondering where my zest for life has gone to.

Here on my blog, I can write about my boys and their current development. Though I haven't done so in a long time, haven't I? They are the center-point of my life now, yet there are times I feel as if I'm trapped in a freaking zoo with 2 monkeys on the loose. Heh. I wish I could give them so much more. There are days where I hit rock bottom and feel like I've failed them by marrying their father. Does that make any sense to you? *sigh*

Here on my blog, my 'artistic' side could satisfy its curiosity by visiting craft blogs. I know I love sewing but haven't got the chance to try out any of the tutorials I've downloaded from the net. My late grandma, my father's mother was an excellent seamstress. She used to sew her own baju kurung, baju Kedah and other types of clothes. Unfortunately, I never sat down and learn her trade with her. What a waste of talent.

Here on my blog, I get to be me.

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