Monday, February 14, 2011

LOST...

Watched 'Criminal Minds' last night.
They had a kidnapping case; an 8 years old girl was taken, right from her mother's side.

Personally, as a mother, I found it heart-breaking to watch. Especially when the father blamed the mother for losing the child.

I literally felt the mother's heart beating faster as she began to realize that her daughter was gone. Not just slightly hidden behind a stranger or playing pee-ka-bo from behind a lamppost, her daughter was really gone.

I felt that way once. Not something I'd wish to go through again, EVER.

The boys and I were window-shopping one day. Well, ok, *I* was window-shopping, they just happened to tag along while I drool over things I know I'd never buy. I was carrying Nazrin and Shahrin was behind me. I saw something on display and I stepped inside the shop to take a closer look. A second later, when I turned to look at Shahrin who was supposed to be behind me, I didn't see him there.

My heart literally dropped to my stomach. I could feel my heart pounding faster and faster as I called out to him but getting no reply. I rushed outside the store, hoping that maybe he was just outside, preoccupied with something. But he wasn't there, nor was he anywhere on the sidewalk. I held Nazrin even tighter, afraid of losing him too. At the same time, I was already thinking about what Ahmad's going to say when I tell him that I'd lost Shahrin.

In that split second between stepping into the store and looking behind me to discover that Shahrin was gone, so many thoughts raced through my mind. I remember feeling overwhelmingly sad; for losing sight of Shahrin, for not holding his hand like a good mother would. I remember feeling guilty too, if only I hadn't stepped into that shop, we'd still be together. I desperately called out his name one more time, my voice had gotten shrill. Then, "Ibu! Ibu! Come look at this!"

He was inside the shop, looking at a collection of medium toy trains (he loves trains; Thomas, Chuggington). OMG! What a relief! I literally felt my chest expanding again, I could breathe again. As it turned out, Shahrin had followed me into the stop without me noticing him. While I was looking at the display, he had wandered further into the shop and stopped at the toy section. I could swear that the shopkeeper and his employees were grinning from ear to ear by the way I had ran over to him and grabbed him into my arms. There we were, the 3 of us, tightly bound in my arms. I almost cried except for the fact that Shahrin was anxious to show me what he'd found, that I just followed him.

These days, I always make him hold my hand, wherever we go. Or just put both of them in the shopping cart if we go anywhere crowded, like Tesco or Econsave.

Plus, in that TV show, another character had her son kidnapped 8 years before. When everyone else had given up hope of ever seeing him again, she had kept believing that her son is still alive and well. When her husband left her because he couldn't deal with her 'insanity', she turned her full attention to finding her son again. It turned out that her son's captors were the same one who took the little girl. And her diligence and belief that her son is still alive had helped solve the case. Such was the bond between a mother and her child.

Personally, I don't know what I would've done if I had been her. And I pray to GOD that I don't ever have to know.

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