The day will end soon, in exactly two hours from now.
Though I've never really celebrated it, his silence cuts deep into my heart.
In my family, these particular days are not celebrated, we just get passing remarks from siblings who remembered, and I am guilty of not remembering my siblings' special days.
With the exception of my elder brother, we share the same date, lucky us.
If I have a cake in front of me & I get to make a wish (though such tradition is not allowed in Islam), I'd wish for him to realize just what he already has in front of him.
He is loved by all; his adopted parents, his biological father, his step-mother, an aunt who really is a cousin, a grandmother who really is an aunt, plus all his family members.
I hate the way he treats his father & step-mother, though there is little I can do.
I try to make up for his lack of attention but I am not him & they deserve better than what I can give in lieu of his real love.
I hate the way he ignores his adopted mother.
And I especially hate the fact that he made me stay here when he knows I want my own home.
I hate the fact that I have to make up for everything that he is lacking when I am not HIM!
He didn't even wish me "Happy Birthday"
It would've made my day.
Thursday, April 28, 2011
Wednesday, April 27, 2011
Back home to normal routines.
Shahrin was finally given the OK and discharged from the hospital on Monday. Yesterday was pack and go day, with Ahmad riding back and the boys, my parents and I came in my father's car. Thank goodness for his antic car, if not, I would have to brave the bus again. Though it wasn't all bad since Nazrin slept almost 80% of the trip. He just couldn't sit still and wasn't afraid of anything. Luckily, he fell asleep quite early on the bus ride while Shahrin spent the whole trip talking about anything and everything, heh.
His operation was a success, at least from my view. His Doctor told me that they've created a brand new hole for his 'down there' and closed up the originally misplaced hole. On the 6th day after the operation, they took out his bandages (I wasn't there though I promised him I would be) and tube that was inserted for his urine outlet. Right after he peed on his own, without any problem, we were given the OK to check out.
We kind of followed a scheduled routine of one parent during the day and another during the night, to keep Shahrin company while at the hospital. I took the day shift while Ahmad took the night watch since Nazrin is still breastfeeding, so I have to be home at night since he'd wake up every 3-4 hours or so to nurse. This routine helped both of us a lot because it gave both of us some time to relax and 'recover'.
Will post more later on my findings about hospital 'etiquette' that I believe everyone should follow.
Right now I need to proofread some theses for my current customer.
Thank you Teacher Agnes for recommending me to them!
His operation was a success, at least from my view. His Doctor told me that they've created a brand new hole for his 'down there' and closed up the originally misplaced hole. On the 6th day after the operation, they took out his bandages (I wasn't there though I promised him I would be) and tube that was inserted for his urine outlet. Right after he peed on his own, without any problem, we were given the OK to check out.
We kind of followed a scheduled routine of one parent during the day and another during the night, to keep Shahrin company while at the hospital. I took the day shift while Ahmad took the night watch since Nazrin is still breastfeeding, so I have to be home at night since he'd wake up every 3-4 hours or so to nurse. This routine helped both of us a lot because it gave both of us some time to relax and 'recover'.
Will post more later on my findings about hospital 'etiquette' that I believe everyone should follow.
Right now I need to proofread some theses for my current customer.
Thank you Teacher Agnes for recommending me to them!
Wednesday, April 20, 2011
Waiting..
Currently waiting for my Shahrin. He's on the 'table' and will be done in about another half hour. Surprisingly, I'm not as terrified about this as I was 2 years ago when he had to go under the knife the 1st time. Typing on my Nokia XpressMusic is no small task. Will update more tonight if my broadband connection improves.
Latest News from Bling Buubies!
Yes ladies, since Ramadhan is fast approaching,
I bet you all are already thinking about what to wear for Hari Raya, right?
I bet you all are already thinking about what to wear for Hari Raya, right?
For breastfeeding mamas, I have great news for you!
Bling Buubies Nursing Apparel not only offers ready-made Nursing Kurungs, they also
accept custom-made orders! Beginning of this month, they are accepting custom-made orders for those who have their own materials and wishes to wear Bling-Up nursing kurung for Eid Fitri!
The latest month for submitting your order will be updated later, okey?
Choices of Nursing Kurung:
 |
| Nursing Kurung Pahang |
 |
| Nursing Kurung Pesak |
Also available:
Choices of Nursing Jubah:
 |
| Nursing Jubah, Straight-cut |
 | |
| Nursing Jubah, Body-cut |
Choices of cuffs for the jubah:
 |
| Button-up cuffs |
 |
| Stretchable cuffs |
They offer 2 types of nursing opening:
So ladies, give me a buzz if you wish to Bling-Up your choice of Baju Kurung, nursing style!
Monday, April 18, 2011
Plans for tomorrow, the next day and the next day and the next.
So many things to do, so little time. (But still can blog hahaha)
Since our car got busted 4 days ago, we have decided that the boys and I will take the bus while Ahmad rides the motorcycle back to Alor Setar. Why? Because we would need it to go back and forth between the hospital and my parents house. Plus, we would need at least 3 bags for all our stuff & lugging that much bags around from bus to bus is not fun. With his motorcycle, Ahmad can just take them all back to AS, no hassle at all.
Baba's car is out of commission too, it's such a vintage car (a Mitsubishi from 40 years ago) he said its insurance coverage is over the roof. So, no choice but to go ahead with our plan.
I'm a little apprehensive about taking the bus with these 2. At least I can hold on to Nazrin but Shahrin is a little too big to handle. He'd be running everywhere & that would not be good especially in a crowded place like a bus station.
So, tomorrow morning, after I've settled everything around the house, we'd be going on a journey, the boys and I. We have to go to 3 bus stations; take a bus from Bagan Serai to Parit Buntar to catch the bus to Penang's jetty, take the bus from Parit Buntar to the jetty and finally at the jetty, hop on the Alor Setar bound express bus. Finally, at Alor Setar's bus station, my father will pick us up on his motorcycle. Ahmad will just ride straight to Alor Setar and we'll him back at my parents house.
Then, on Tuesday, we have to take Shahrin to be admitted into the children's ward at the hospital. He'd have to wait till Wednesday for his operation. I've been preparing him for it since last year, so he wouldn't be too freaked out when we see the Doctor later. He knows that the operation is to correct his congenital condition, so I'm hoping that he'll be fine when the time comes for the actual operation.
We plan for me to stay with Shahrin at the hospital during the day and Ahmad will take over the night shift. Nazrin is still breastfeeding, so I have to be at home at night at least. Plus I have never left Nazrin with my parents before, so I don't know how he's going to react to that. Hopefully, he'll be fine too since Ahmad will stay with him through the day. He's been taking formula every now and then, so I think he'll be ok in that department.
Now I'm off to pack Shahrin's hospital-stay bag, my bag, Nazrin's and Ahmad's bags too. Not forgetting other items like toiletries, Shahrin's bottles (yes, he's still drinking his formula from a baby-bottle), toys to keep him occupied, Nazrin's toys and other small items.
Upss..I forgot. No car.
Now what am I supposed to do with all these stuff???
*sigh*
Since our car got busted 4 days ago, we have decided that the boys and I will take the bus while Ahmad rides the motorcycle back to Alor Setar. Why? Because we would need it to go back and forth between the hospital and my parents house. Plus, we would need at least 3 bags for all our stuff & lugging that much bags around from bus to bus is not fun. With his motorcycle, Ahmad can just take them all back to AS, no hassle at all.
Baba's car is out of commission too, it's such a vintage car (a Mitsubishi from 40 years ago) he said its insurance coverage is over the roof. So, no choice but to go ahead with our plan.
I'm a little apprehensive about taking the bus with these 2. At least I can hold on to Nazrin but Shahrin is a little too big to handle. He'd be running everywhere & that would not be good especially in a crowded place like a bus station.
So, tomorrow morning, after I've settled everything around the house, we'd be going on a journey, the boys and I. We have to go to 3 bus stations; take a bus from Bagan Serai to Parit Buntar to catch the bus to Penang's jetty, take the bus from Parit Buntar to the jetty and finally at the jetty, hop on the Alor Setar bound express bus. Finally, at Alor Setar's bus station, my father will pick us up on his motorcycle. Ahmad will just ride straight to Alor Setar and we'll him back at my parents house.
Then, on Tuesday, we have to take Shahrin to be admitted into the children's ward at the hospital. He'd have to wait till Wednesday for his operation. I've been preparing him for it since last year, so he wouldn't be too freaked out when we see the Doctor later. He knows that the operation is to correct his congenital condition, so I'm hoping that he'll be fine when the time comes for the actual operation.
We plan for me to stay with Shahrin at the hospital during the day and Ahmad will take over the night shift. Nazrin is still breastfeeding, so I have to be at home at night at least. Plus I have never left Nazrin with my parents before, so I don't know how he's going to react to that. Hopefully, he'll be fine too since Ahmad will stay with him through the day. He's been taking formula every now and then, so I think he'll be ok in that department.
Now I'm off to pack Shahrin's hospital-stay bag, my bag, Nazrin's and Ahmad's bags too. Not forgetting other items like toiletries, Shahrin's bottles (yes, he's still drinking his formula from a baby-bottle), toys to keep him occupied, Nazrin's toys and other small items.
Upss..I forgot. No car.
Now what am I supposed to do with all these stuff???
*sigh*
Sunday, April 17, 2011
Pep-talk for myself.
I have been feeling sorry for myself these past few days.
Nothing I do seems to be working and it breaks my heart to know that I have failed, again.
I feel envious of friends who seems to be having success after success while I have to struggle hard.
I keep going back down memory lane.
Lame, I know..but the first 12 years of my life had been so brilliant, I have to wonder if what I'm experiencing now is pay back time for those years.
We'll be heading back to my parents house next Monday.
Shahrin's operation is scheduled to be on Wednesday. He needs to be admitted first on Tuesday, so we figured Monday would be a good day to head back to Alor Setar.
I'm a bit apprehensive about seeing my parents, though I haven't seen them since last year. GOD! It's been that long ago?!! Hahaha..
At least I have one good news for them, hopefully my new part-time job as Research Assistant will appease them for a while.
I hate being a burden to them but I have tried my best.
Maybe my best is not good enough? *sigh*
Nothing I do seems to be working and it breaks my heart to know that I have failed, again.
I feel envious of friends who seems to be having success after success while I have to struggle hard.
I keep going back down memory lane.
Lame, I know..but the first 12 years of my life had been so brilliant, I have to wonder if what I'm experiencing now is pay back time for those years.
We'll be heading back to my parents house next Monday.
Shahrin's operation is scheduled to be on Wednesday. He needs to be admitted first on Tuesday, so we figured Monday would be a good day to head back to Alor Setar.
I'm a bit apprehensive about seeing my parents, though I haven't seen them since last year. GOD! It's been that long ago?!! Hahaha..
At least I have one good news for them, hopefully my new part-time job as Research Assistant will appease them for a while.
I hate being a burden to them but I have tried my best.
Maybe my best is not good enough? *sigh*
Friday, April 15, 2011
Reusing empty plastic container.
Morning folks!
The Earth Hour Campaign has come and go with little support from my family. *sigh*
The boys freaked out when I turned off all the lights, so we kept the TV & my lappy on so that the house wasn't in complete darkness. Candles were not an option with these 2, they would burn the house down if I so much as blink my eyes, hehe. (You know that I'm only exaggerating, right? )Even then, not 5 minutes into the campaign, my Ahmad turned the lights back on because HE couldn't stand being in the dark either.
*more sigh*
So, that was that. The lights came back on, the TV kept on blaring, lappy on, fans on, like the campaign was never in place at all. *huh* Maybe we'll do better next year.
Fortunately, the campaign wasn't just about turning off the lights for one hour, in one day, once a year. It is an on-going campaign all year round, to get the world community to rally together in our fight against the destruction of earth. Every little thing we do, counts in a big way.
As for me, what I have figured out for doing my part to help save earth is by applying the 3R; Reuse, Reduce, Recycle in my daily routine. This movement is not just about any specific organization or government body, it encompasses the whole human community, those who cares about the world we live in. You can go here and here too, for more info.
I figured that since I don't have financial resources to help with this movement, I could just apply the 3R this way: by reusing empty plastic containers for storage around the house.
It is both easy and money-saving to reuse what you already have at hand. Sure, they are not as pretty as porcelain containers or Mason jars but, I think as long as they are functional, they are good enough for me. Although I am seriously thinking of putting on a coat of white poster paint or other paints to make them look even better. If I do get to doing that, I'll be sure to post it here.
Apart from these, I've already posted other crafts I made out of my trash. Check out my Crafting Amateur label for more info. :D
The Earth Hour Campaign has come and go with little support from my family. *sigh*
The boys freaked out when I turned off all the lights, so we kept the TV & my lappy on so that the house wasn't in complete darkness. Candles were not an option with these 2, they would burn the house down if I so much as blink my eyes, hehe. (You know that I'm only exaggerating, right? )Even then, not 5 minutes into the campaign, my Ahmad turned the lights back on because HE couldn't stand being in the dark either.
*more sigh*
So, that was that. The lights came back on, the TV kept on blaring, lappy on, fans on, like the campaign was never in place at all. *huh* Maybe we'll do better next year.
Fortunately, the campaign wasn't just about turning off the lights for one hour, in one day, once a year. It is an on-going campaign all year round, to get the world community to rally together in our fight against the destruction of earth. Every little thing we do, counts in a big way.
As for me, what I have figured out for doing my part to help save earth is by applying the 3R; Reuse, Reduce, Recycle in my daily routine. This movement is not just about any specific organization or government body, it encompasses the whole human community, those who cares about the world we live in. You can go here and here too, for more info.
I figured that since I don't have financial resources to help with this movement, I could just apply the 3R this way: by reusing empty plastic containers for storage around the house.
 |
| These are Ahmad's 'man-stuff'; nails, screws, bits and pieces. |
 |
| The bigger nuts and bolts are in this peanut butter container. |
 |
| Big nails, small nails, you name it, they're in these plastic jars. |
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| Stack-able, for easy storage :D |
Then, there are also my own stuff, in the kitchen. I used more empty plastic containers as storage for my sugar, Nescafe 3-in-1 and Shahrin's formula.
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| Coffee (Nescafe) powder. |
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| 3-in-1 |
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| Shahrin's formula |
Apart from these, I've already posted other crafts I made out of my trash. Check out my Crafting Amateur label for more info. :D
Wednesday, April 13, 2011
A sunburst mirror 'wannabe' project.
I love sunburst mirrors. Wish I could have/make one but with the money being tight these days, don't think I'd be getting/making one anytime soon, heh. I like this one very much:
I used an old T-shirt for my flower and just did what she did, though my flower was quite big. Unfortunately, I didn't have any big buttons to glue onto the flower. Then, it hit me! Since I couldn't have/make a sunburst mirror, why not make something like it but different?
Sorry, I didn't have pictures for the process that took place but what I basically did was I covered the hole at the center with the inner paper found when you open up a new jar of peanut butter. Here in Malaysia, the Ladies Choice's peanut butter brand comes in a plastic jar and when you open the lid, this paper piece gives an added protection. So, I glued that onto the hole, glued my old contact-lense's cover at the back and glued a piece of magnet on that.
Now I have 2-fer; a sunburst mirror 'wannabe' plus a fridge magnet. Nice, huh?
Source: Little Green Notebook
If you want to see more sunburst mirrors, check the link, ok.
However, I did make something else entirely based on what I have at hand, in my stash of trash. I found a tutorial for making fabric flowers that was simple and easy to make. I followed the instruction from Creation Corner and here's a picture of her fabric flowers. Lovely, aren't they?
I used an old T-shirt for my flower and just did what she did, though my flower was quite big. Unfortunately, I didn't have any big buttons to glue onto the flower. Then, it hit me! Since I couldn't have/make a sunburst mirror, why not make something like it but different?
Sorry, I didn't have pictures for the process that took place but what I basically did was I covered the hole at the center with the inner paper found when you open up a new jar of peanut butter. Here in Malaysia, the Ladies Choice's peanut butter brand comes in a plastic jar and when you open the lid, this paper piece gives an added protection. So, I glued that onto the hole, glued my old contact-lense's cover at the back and glued a piece of magnet on that.
 |
| The front view. |
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| Can you see my lense's cover? Creative use of trash, don't you think? :D |
 |
| With the other magnet flower I made before. |
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| Center attention. Here it is on my fridge. |
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
Premium beautiful much?
Hello, hello, hello!!!!
Great news people!
Premium Beautiful corsets are on sale now!
So, this would be great for cliques who wants to look pretty & get healthy together, right?
You have 3 payment choices;
1- Cash payments
2- Easy-RHB
3- Credit card
For more info, do contact me at 012-5697559 or just leave a comment here, ok?
Great news people!
Premium Beautiful corsets are on sale now!
Buy 2 sets, get a third one for only RM800!!!!
1 set is RM2300, so if you buy 3 at once with this offer & divide them by 3, one set would only cost you RM1800! You save RM500! Great value people! Why? Because PB corsets have a lifetime warranty!
You have 3 payment choices;
1- Cash payments
2- Easy-RHB
3- Credit card
For more info, do contact me at 012-5697559 or just leave a comment here, ok?
Feeling sorry for myself.
-Beyonce-
IF I WERE A BOY
If I were a boy
even just for a day
I'd roll out of bed in the morning
and throw on what I wanted and go
Drink beer with the guys
and chase after girls
I'd kick it with who I wanted
and I'd never get confronted for it
cause they stick up for me
If I were a boy
I think I could understand
How it feels to love a girl
I swear I'd be a better man
I'd listen to her
Cause I know how it hurts
When you lose the one you wanted
Cause he's taking you for granted
And everything you had got destroyed
If I were a boy
I would turn off my phone
Tell everyone it's broken
so they'd think that I was sleeping alone
I’d put myself first
and make the rules as I go
Cause I know that she’ll be faithful,
waiting for me to come home, to come home.
If I were a boy
I think I could understand
How it feels to love a girl
I swear I'd be a better man
I'd listen to her
Cause I know how it hurts
When you lose the one you wanted
Cause he's taking you for granted
And everything you had got destroyed
It's a little too late for you to come back
Say it's just a mistake,
think i'd forgive you like that
If you thought I would wait for you
you thought wrong
But you're just a boy
You don't understand
and you don't understand, ohhhh
How it feels to love a girl
Someday you wish you were a better man
You don't listen to her
You don't care how it hurts
Until you lose the one you wanted
Cause you're taking her for granted
And everything you had got destroyed
But you're just a boy
even just for a day
I'd roll out of bed in the morning
and throw on what I wanted and go
Drink beer with the guys
and chase after girls
I'd kick it with who I wanted
and I'd never get confronted for it
cause they stick up for me
If I were a boy
I think I could understand
How it feels to love a girl
I swear I'd be a better man
I'd listen to her
Cause I know how it hurts
When you lose the one you wanted
Cause he's taking you for granted
And everything you had got destroyed
If I were a boy
I would turn off my phone
Tell everyone it's broken
so they'd think that I was sleeping alone
I’d put myself first
and make the rules as I go
Cause I know that she’ll be faithful,
waiting for me to come home, to come home.
If I were a boy
I think I could understand
How it feels to love a girl
I swear I'd be a better man
I'd listen to her
Cause I know how it hurts
When you lose the one you wanted
Cause he's taking you for granted
And everything you had got destroyed
It's a little too late for you to come back
Say it's just a mistake,
think i'd forgive you like that
If you thought I would wait for you
you thought wrong
But you're just a boy
You don't understand
and you don't understand, ohhhh
How it feels to love a girl
Someday you wish you were a better man
You don't listen to her
You don't care how it hurts
Until you lose the one you wanted
Cause you're taking her for granted
And everything you had got destroyed
But you're just a boy
lyrics curtsey of this page
I'm moving slowly past resentment and closer to hate.
I don't know what I'd do when & if I ever get there.
God forbids but........who knows?
Monday, April 11, 2011
Good news for me!
Two days ago my lecturer called and asked me if I want to be her RA. She said her office has arranged a project with a nearby Methodist school and they need somebody to take care of the collected data.
So, today, I called her boss and discussed the matter at hand more thoroughly.
After talking to her (the boss), I have decided to take this job & forget about the walk-in interview in USM Main Campus.
I am super excited about this job because:
1- I get to do my work at home!!!! How convenient is that? Now I don't have to worry about the boys at all. What a relief! They will just email me the data to be processed and uploaded. Thank GOD I have a lappy & broadband at home.
2- This project will be till August, so I will have at least 4.5 month worth of work to keep me busy. I kind of felt lost after my class ended because going to class gave me an excuse to be someone other than just a SAHM. Now I can honestly say that I am a WAHM, hehe.
3- Although the pay is minimal, RM25/day, I am thankful for it. It is going to be my stepping stone to better job offers. I am going to be the best RA they ever hired, so that they will hire me again for future projects. :D
After all, I wouldn't have any extra expenses like petrol or lunch-money because I am not going anywhere, haha. The beauty of working at home. Thank you for technology.
So, today, I called her boss and discussed the matter at hand more thoroughly.
After talking to her (the boss), I have decided to take this job & forget about the walk-in interview in USM Main Campus.
I am super excited about this job because:
1- I get to do my work at home!!!! How convenient is that? Now I don't have to worry about the boys at all. What a relief! They will just email me the data to be processed and uploaded. Thank GOD I have a lappy & broadband at home.
2- This project will be till August, so I will have at least 4.5 month worth of work to keep me busy. I kind of felt lost after my class ended because going to class gave me an excuse to be someone other than just a SAHM. Now I can honestly say that I am a WAHM, hehe.
3- Although the pay is minimal, RM25/day, I am thankful for it. It is going to be my stepping stone to better job offers. I am going to be the best RA they ever hired, so that they will hire me again for future projects. :D
After all, I wouldn't have any extra expenses like petrol or lunch-money because I am not going anywhere, haha. The beauty of working at home. Thank you for technology.
Sunday, April 10, 2011
Happy? Sad?
Remember this dog?
Well, she died today.
At around 1.30pm (I guess).
While I was out shopping.
She chose to die in front of our porch,
the place where she had always waited for me to come back.
I left the house with my boys in tow, heading for town.
She wasn't there then.
We got back, not even 45 minutes later,
to be greeted by her lifeless body,
right at the spot where she always were,
whenever she waited for us to come home.
Granted, her presence was a nuisance;
she would steal our shoes in a heart beat,
drag garbage into our front yard,
bark and howl all night,
I hate her for making me wash our stuff
again and again in dirt water to cleanse them,
but,
her death rattled me.
She died while in labor (again, I am just guessing),
I noticed her pregnant belly while helping Ahmad push her onto a plastic wrap.
Blood came gushing out from her genitalia when we tried to move her body.
From what I saw, I think her puppy got stuck and she couldn't push it through.
She must have been waiting for me to come home so that I could help her.
*tears*
Never in a million years would I thought that her death could affect me so.
Because *I* could be her. With the exception that in labor, I could have all the help and medical assistance at my side.
She died alone.
Well, she died today.
At around 1.30pm (I guess).
While I was out shopping.
She chose to die in front of our porch,
the place where she had always waited for me to come back.
I left the house with my boys in tow, heading for town.
She wasn't there then.
We got back, not even 45 minutes later,
to be greeted by her lifeless body,
right at the spot where she always were,
whenever she waited for us to come home.
Granted, her presence was a nuisance;
she would steal our shoes in a heart beat,
drag garbage into our front yard,
bark and howl all night,
I hate her for making me wash our stuff
again and again in dirt water to cleanse them,
but,
her death rattled me.
She died while in labor (again, I am just guessing),
I noticed her pregnant belly while helping Ahmad push her onto a plastic wrap.
Blood came gushing out from her genitalia when we tried to move her body.
From what I saw, I think her puppy got stuck and she couldn't push it through.
She must have been waiting for me to come home so that I could help her.
*tears*
Never in a million years would I thought that her death could affect me so.
Because *I* could be her. With the exception that in labor, I could have all the help and medical assistance at my side.
She died alone.
Life's purpose?
-Que Sera, Sera by Doris Day-
When I was just a little girl
I asked my mother, what will I be
Will I be pretty, will I be rich
Here's what she said to me.
Que Sera, Sera,
Whatever will be, will be
The future's not ours, to see
Que Sera, Sera
What will be, will be.
When I was young, I fell in love
I asked my sweetheart what lies ahead
Will we have rainbows, day after day
Here's what my sweetheart said.
Que Sera, Sera,
Whatever will be, will be
The future's not ours, to see
Que Sera, Sera
What will be, will be.
Now I have children of my own
They ask their mother, what will I be
Will I be handsome, will I be rich
I tell them tenderly.
Que Sera, Sera,
Whatever will be, will be
The future's not ours, to see
Que Sera, Sera
What will be, will be.
I asked my mother, what will I be
Will I be pretty, will I be rich
Here's what she said to me.
Que Sera, Sera,
Whatever will be, will be
The future's not ours, to see
Que Sera, Sera
What will be, will be.
When I was young, I fell in love
I asked my sweetheart what lies ahead
Will we have rainbows, day after day
Here's what my sweetheart said.
Que Sera, Sera,
Whatever will be, will be
The future's not ours, to see
Que Sera, Sera
What will be, will be.
Now I have children of my own
They ask their mother, what will I be
Will I be handsome, will I be rich
I tell them tenderly.
Que Sera, Sera,
Whatever will be, will be
The future's not ours, to see
Que Sera, Sera
What will be, will be.
I think, growing up, all I ever know is that I am supposed to be someone special and important.
Nothing is more important than education and school came first.
Not only that, I was also active in school competitions, from primary till high school.
Even while doing my matriculation, I kept being active and got involved in quite a lot of
extra curricular activities.
My mom made it clear that both she and my father would do their best in providing us with everything we need, all they want in return is for us to study hard and get good results.
I think I spent 80% of my growing up years, my youth and a part of my late-teens at school/university.
School holidays were for joining school camping trips or motivational camps or attending competitions or extra classes for the 2 big exams; PMR (lower secondary exam) and SPM (higher secondary exam).
Even during my undergraduate years, during short public holidays, my mom told me to stay back or return early to the dormitory so that I could study better as opposed to staying at home.
I missed quite a lot of family time because of this.
The point is, I am starting to realize that all these years, my priorities had been my parents' priorities.
They set the goals and aims.
I was just following orders.
Now that I am married and no longer under their wings, I am LOST.
Because I have no focus nor purpose in life.
Somehow, I don't know whether to feel depress or feel elated for finally acknowledging this fact.
All this while, I have only focused on what my parents want from me.
These days, my only focus is for the boys and Ahmad.
My purpose in this family is to care for them and provide them with the love and support that they need.
BUT.
What about me?
What purpose do I have for me?
Take away the boys and Ahmad & I'll be left with nothing.
I envy people who know what they want and strive to achieve it.
I wish to be the person my mom painted me to be.
It'll be ok, everything will be fine.
I know I will be fine.
Because I have my whole lifetime to find out.
Friday, April 8, 2011
Picture Day!
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| Thomas The Train |
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| The tower, don't ask, I don't know what this tower is for heh |
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| Bits and pieces of Shahrin's collection |
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| The yellow one is a jetplane (obviously! :D) but I'm not sure about the red. |
Shahrin is quite creative when it comes to building things with his blocks. He's just like his Paksu (my youngest brother) who had a basket full of Lego blocks that he played with ALL day, making everything from a soldier to a dinosaur. Enjoy! :D
Thursday, April 7, 2011
Update on the RA thing.
I have just called the person in charge of recruiting RAs for the project.
She informed me that they are going to set up a Call Center for contacting correspondence involved in this project. The RAs are going to be calling the correspondence and get their feedback on the survey. Kind of like being a telemarketer but in a nicer way, heh.
There would be 3 shifts, from 10am to 10pm and from what I've gathered, if someone gets the 10am shift, that person will be off-duty by 6pm. The coordinator told me that each RA would have to work an 8 hours shift with 1 hour for rest. Pretty much a 9 to 5 job but in shifts.
I'm kind of worried though. IF I get the job and in the 3 month working period I get the night shift, I'd have to drive home alone from Penang back to Bagan Serai! That's a long way to drive alone, at night (10pm from Penang and at least 1.5 hours to reach Bagan Serai) and I don't do well in the dark. *shudder*
I did ask the coordinator if they would consider special request; cutting some slack for mothers with children, hoping that if I do get it, then I wouldn't have to worry about working the night shift. She said that they have to wait and see how everything goes after the interview on the 16th.
Well, for now, I think I'm going to try for it and be there for the interview.
After all, I have got nothing to lose and so much to gain.
She informed me that they are going to set up a Call Center for contacting correspondence involved in this project. The RAs are going to be calling the correspondence and get their feedback on the survey. Kind of like being a telemarketer but in a nicer way, heh.
There would be 3 shifts, from 10am to 10pm and from what I've gathered, if someone gets the 10am shift, that person will be off-duty by 6pm. The coordinator told me that each RA would have to work an 8 hours shift with 1 hour for rest. Pretty much a 9 to 5 job but in shifts.
I'm kind of worried though. IF I get the job and in the 3 month working period I get the night shift, I'd have to drive home alone from Penang back to Bagan Serai! That's a long way to drive alone, at night (10pm from Penang and at least 1.5 hours to reach Bagan Serai) and I don't do well in the dark. *shudder*
I did ask the coordinator if they would consider special request; cutting some slack for mothers with children, hoping that if I do get it, then I wouldn't have to worry about working the night shift. She said that they have to wait and see how everything goes after the interview on the 16th.
Well, for now, I think I'm going to try for it and be there for the interview.
After all, I have got nothing to lose and so much to gain.
To go or Not to go?
That IS the big QUESTION.
My business writing lecturer has taken quite an interest in my quest to find a job or more specifically my LACK of job. She has taken it upon herself to help me secure a job, at least a part-time job by going to her boss with my plight.
So, on Monday, I received an e-mail from my lecturer's boss about a walk-in interview at the National Poison Center, in Main Campus. The position is for Research Assistant, with a contract for 3 months. The research is for an international tobacco control policy. This is something I really would love to get involve in because I have been trying to get Ahmad to quit smoking (and btw, Nazrin is really sabotaging his ciggies supply by crushing them up whenever Ahmad left them unattended, haha) and any part I can do to fight the tobacco companies, I would gladly do.
Problem is, if I get the job, it would be in Penang & I would have to commute quite a bit, about 4 hours both ways. Plus, in that e-mail, applicants would be required to work on weekends and on shifts. Being a SAHM for so long, I'm not comfortable with leaving my boys with anyone for long periods of time, even Ahmad himself. Especially not TB!
And that my friends, is my BIGGEST concern.
What if I do get the job and I do have to work in shifts, day or night, and during weekends too, and Ahmad calls TB to help out with the boys??! I've had enough of TB trying to win over Shahrin and I will not let TB win over Nazrin too. I don't care if the house falls apart at the seams when and if I leave these 3 males by themselves. But I will NOT stand by and let TB rule my boys.
But then again, I need this. Desperately need it.
Our financial standing is on the rocks again. No surprise there. If he would step up, man up or whatever, then I need to, for the sake of my boys. I hate not being able to give them what their hearts desire just because I couldn't afford it. And don't forget, my parents are on my back again about the whole 'get a job' thing. Though I know they are very concern about us but I wish they could just let me be. *sigh*
I could practically hear their disappointment whenever I talk to them on the phone. I am the only child, minus my youngest brother who is still studying, who haven't got a job. And whenever we have a family gathering, only the boys and I will attend since Ahmad wouldn't leave his stupid friends, even for a few days. Usually, during these gatherings, I would feel pitied by my family. My father would always provide for us because he knows I don't have enough money to splurge on anything. Plus, when my siblings are being lovey-dovey with their spouses, Ahmad's absence really tore my heart.
Well, enough with the soap opera. I've made my bed of thorns and so, I have to sleep in it.
My plan for the interview is I am going to call the person in charge and ask him about my concerns regarding working long hours. Maybe we can work something out.
Or not.
The interview will be on the 16th. So, if you're reading this, please pray for me, ok?
My business writing lecturer has taken quite an interest in my quest to find a job or more specifically my LACK of job. She has taken it upon herself to help me secure a job, at least a part-time job by going to her boss with my plight.
So, on Monday, I received an e-mail from my lecturer's boss about a walk-in interview at the National Poison Center, in Main Campus. The position is for Research Assistant, with a contract for 3 months. The research is for an international tobacco control policy. This is something I really would love to get involve in because I have been trying to get Ahmad to quit smoking (and btw, Nazrin is really sabotaging his ciggies supply by crushing them up whenever Ahmad left them unattended, haha) and any part I can do to fight the tobacco companies, I would gladly do.
Problem is, if I get the job, it would be in Penang & I would have to commute quite a bit, about 4 hours both ways. Plus, in that e-mail, applicants would be required to work on weekends and on shifts. Being a SAHM for so long, I'm not comfortable with leaving my boys with anyone for long periods of time, even Ahmad himself. Especially not TB!
And that my friends, is my BIGGEST concern.
What if I do get the job and I do have to work in shifts, day or night, and during weekends too, and Ahmad calls TB to help out with the boys??! I've had enough of TB trying to win over Shahrin and I will not let TB win over Nazrin too. I don't care if the house falls apart at the seams when and if I leave these 3 males by themselves. But I will NOT stand by and let TB rule my boys.
But then again, I need this. Desperately need it.
Our financial standing is on the rocks again. No surprise there. If he would step up, man up or whatever, then I need to, for the sake of my boys. I hate not being able to give them what their hearts desire just because I couldn't afford it. And don't forget, my parents are on my back again about the whole 'get a job' thing. Though I know they are very concern about us but I wish they could just let me be. *sigh*
I could practically hear their disappointment whenever I talk to them on the phone. I am the only child, minus my youngest brother who is still studying, who haven't got a job. And whenever we have a family gathering, only the boys and I will attend since Ahmad wouldn't leave his stupid friends, even for a few days. Usually, during these gatherings, I would feel pitied by my family. My father would always provide for us because he knows I don't have enough money to splurge on anything. Plus, when my siblings are being lovey-dovey with their spouses, Ahmad's absence really tore my heart.
Well, enough with the soap opera. I've made my bed of thorns and so, I have to sleep in it.
My plan for the interview is I am going to call the person in charge and ask him about my concerns regarding working long hours. Maybe we can work something out.
Or not.
The interview will be on the 16th. So, if you're reading this, please pray for me, ok?
Sunday, April 3, 2011
Our menu for today.
I was feeling rather motivated this morning, so I went grocery shopping. I bought half a chicken, some Chinese mustard plant (sayur sawi), I actually wanted to buy kailan but since they don't have any, I had to settle with the mustard plant instead. I also bought some chilies, dried anchovies and the makings of a
chicken soup.
Here they are! Clockwise from top: chicken soup, fried chicken with chilies, fried mustard plant with anchovies, chilies and soy sauce, and some plain fried chicken.
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| Chicken soup |
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| Fried chicken with chilies. |
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| Fried mustard plant with anchovies, chilies and a dash of soy sauce. |
The basic preparation needed for all 3 dishes were the same; onions, garlic and some ginger.
I peeled and blended these 3 ingredients separately, for easy use/sauteing in all 3 dishes.
Just the type of cooking I prefer, easy and simple!
Saturday, April 2, 2011
Art Attact; Bubble Windmill
At around 7pm yesterday evening, we sat down and watched an educational segment on Astro TVIQ. I'm not sure what that segment was called but it featured a girl who made a Bubble Windmill out of milk cartoons and cardboard boxes. She was stressing about recycling rubbish to make fun things.
Now, you know that I have my stash of trash, right? I've written about them here. Since last night, Shahrin had kept going on and on about wanting to make a bubble windmill too. So, this morning, after being pestered about it for the zillionth time, I gave up. I told him, "All right, we'll make one for you and Adik (Nazrin)".
I took out my stash and luckily, I have just about everything that I would need to make A Bubble Windmill!
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| My stash: milk cartoons, a cardboard box, a Styrofoam thingy, wooden skewers and some glue (not in the picture). |
Mind you, this is not a tutorial, I'm just writing down my own way of doing this. I skipped some part from last night's show, since I was pressed for time and the boys were too 'helpful' with the scissors. Couldn't take the chance to take it slow and make everything pretty and decorative, hehe.
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| Poke one wooden skewer through the top section of a milk cartoon. |
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| Cut another milk cartoon in half, this would be the container to hold the bubble mixture; some dish-washing liquid and water |
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| My 'Handy Helpers' busy at work assembling the windmill. |
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| I've cut some cardboard into rectangles to make the blades for the windmill, Shahrin helped me attach them on to the square Styrofoam. |
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| Nazrin was really focused on the job! |
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| The finished art. |
The blades were cut-up cardboard, poked through with more wooden skewers and inserted into the square Styrofoam, the blades were set at an angle so that they can catch the wind. We placed a fan on the table to test the windmill. In this picture, you can't see the 4 wire loops I made. The wind was supposed to turn the blades as well as make bubbles by making the wires pass through the bubbly solution underneath the windmill.
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| Here is the windmill in action. |
This new 'recycled toy' lasted for about 10 minutes, then everything fell apart. Heh. The soapy solution made the blades soggy and one by one they fell off. As I was in a hurry to finish tidying up the house and make breakfast, the project is a KIV for now. I managed to distract him with something else, but if I know my son, he'd usually forget something if that something has already been given/bought/done. I think I'm saved for now. For what it's worth, we did have fun watching the Windmill turn for the 10 minutes of its life. Heh.
I joined the Sassy Sites blog-hop party!
After the class is over...
We had our final class for Business Writing last Wednesday.
Our lecturer let us have back our 2 tests papers to go through while in class.
The first test was to write a Refusing Credit letter and the second one was to write a Market Trend report.
These pieces are marked according to the format of each piece, the content, grammatical accuracy and style of writing. The total mark is then calculated to give the 'pointer' for each test. 1 test = 5 points (highest mark).
As the teacher was explaining more about some of the other business letters that could come up in the exam, I took the chance to look through my own test and the other 2 girls' tests as well. The one Chinese girl (who is literally 10 years younger than I am) in class got 4._ and 4._ for her tests, while the one Indian girl in class (she's 8 years younger) got a 3._ and a 4._ for hers. Me? I only got a 3.5 and a 3.2.
Bummer.
I've never felt sooooo disappointed about my English papers before. NEVER. English is like my strongest subject. I've never even got an A- for English, let alone a B?!!
So, I asked my lecturer about my results. You know what she said? She said, "You are a good writer, Anis but you just don't have the content suitable enough to satisfy the requirement of these tests". She is right. The Chinese girl always get good remarks for her letters/memo that we have to write in class. I would always ask to borrow her paper after class, so that I can go home and study her content. She has got some good ideas when it comes to 'marketing new products' or 'planning a launch' or reasons to 'why we are refusing to grant credit for your purchase'.
I feel so terribly disappointed.
On the 29th, we will be sitting for our final exam. As a part-time student, I have the flexibility of choosing whether or not I want to sit for the exam. Shahrin's operation to correct his hypospadia condition has been set for the 20th and recovery should take about 3-4 days. (I had written about his operation here). That doesn't give me enough time to study. I am still undecided about this. But my teacher said that I would be fine because I only lack content, everything else is good. Yeah, sure. Content. I think I should read more business reports/news from now on as a preparation. De javu feeling: I remember clipping news from our local news papers in preparation for SPM Bahasa paper. hehehe..
Our lecturer let us have back our 2 tests papers to go through while in class.
The first test was to write a Refusing Credit letter and the second one was to write a Market Trend report.
These pieces are marked according to the format of each piece, the content, grammatical accuracy and style of writing. The total mark is then calculated to give the 'pointer' for each test. 1 test = 5 points (highest mark).
As the teacher was explaining more about some of the other business letters that could come up in the exam, I took the chance to look through my own test and the other 2 girls' tests as well. The one Chinese girl (who is literally 10 years younger than I am) in class got 4._ and 4._ for her tests, while the one Indian girl in class (she's 8 years younger) got a 3._ and a 4._ for hers. Me? I only got a 3.5 and a 3.2.
Bummer.
I've never felt sooooo disappointed about my English papers before. NEVER. English is like my strongest subject. I've never even got an A- for English, let alone a B?!!
So, I asked my lecturer about my results. You know what she said? She said, "You are a good writer, Anis but you just don't have the content suitable enough to satisfy the requirement of these tests". She is right. The Chinese girl always get good remarks for her letters/memo that we have to write in class. I would always ask to borrow her paper after class, so that I can go home and study her content. She has got some good ideas when it comes to 'marketing new products' or 'planning a launch' or reasons to 'why we are refusing to grant credit for your purchase'.
I feel so terribly disappointed.
On the 29th, we will be sitting for our final exam. As a part-time student, I have the flexibility of choosing whether or not I want to sit for the exam. Shahrin's operation to correct his hypospadia condition has been set for the 20th and recovery should take about 3-4 days. (I had written about his operation here). That doesn't give me enough time to study. I am still undecided about this. But my teacher said that I would be fine because I only lack content, everything else is good. Yeah, sure. Content. I think I should read more business reports/news from now on as a preparation. De javu feeling: I remember clipping news from our local news papers in preparation for SPM Bahasa paper. hehehe..
Friday, April 1, 2011
What a week!
This week has been a roller-coaster ride from beginning to the end. And quite frankly, I don't think the week ever ends. It just rolls into another and another and another. The only difference is one week could be better than the other OR vice verse.
I slept late 3 nights in a row, going to sleep at 3am and waking up early to send Shahrin to his pre-school. Then spent the day doing my usual chores and packing in some extra work when the boys were preoccupied with something else other than pestering me. Plus I had to help Ahmad with HIS work, putting up awnings for our neighbor. He couldn't do it alone since it was a 2-men job. Unfortunately, he couldn't afford to hire a helper so I had to pitch in by being his helper. Nothing strenuous, I just helped by handing things over to him or holding things steady or tidying up his tools. However, I have to say that he never did the same for me. :(
I truly felt like I was doing a million things at the same time but in reality, I could barely focus on one. At least I got paid for my 'hard work'. Know how I spent that hard-earned money? The last day I had to attend class in USM (btw, I've completed my class & will be sitting for the exam on 29/4, can you believe it? haha) I was paid RM40 for 2 translation jobs that I had stayed up late doing. On my way home, I kept thinking to myself that I deserve a little R&R and indulgence. So, I went to Secret Recipe. I've been dying to go there ever since a buddy in USM told me that they've opened a branch in Parit Buntar.
I walked through its door, fully expecting the warm fuzzy feeling I would get when I FINALLY get to bite into a slice of cake. I've been wanting to have a slice since.......forever.
I got myself a Chocolate Indulgence. It has several layers of something and something. The first bite was divine! (Cue sound of a choir here) I practically smacked my lips a few times just to savor the taste. Don't ask me to describe it though, I have no idea how to. Hahah. Then, one of the waitress approached me with their menu. I looked through the lunch menu and decided not to order any but I did get an Ice Blended Cappuccino. Then, into my 6th bite of the cake and my second sip of the ice blended drink, I began to feel terrible. The cake was RM6.50 and the drink? RM8.90. Plus government tax and service tax, the total was RM17.40. The euphoria didn't last very long when I began to think about how much I've spent. I could've used the money for something else other than splurged it on overpriced slice of cake and a drink.
Anyway, while on the way home, I rationalized my spending by telling myself, it has been a long time since I last bought anything for myself. Sure, I could've saved the money or used it for buying groceries for my family, but ultimately, I did felt good about myself while I was enjoying the first 5 bites (too much chocolate did make me feel a little nauseous). The feeling was great because I know I've worked hard and earned that money. I did make peace with myself by the time I got home. Suffice to say, it will be another few years before I splurge on a Secret Recipe cake again hahaha.
I slept late 3 nights in a row, going to sleep at 3am and waking up early to send Shahrin to his pre-school. Then spent the day doing my usual chores and packing in some extra work when the boys were preoccupied with something else other than pestering me. Plus I had to help Ahmad with HIS work, putting up awnings for our neighbor. He couldn't do it alone since it was a 2-men job. Unfortunately, he couldn't afford to hire a helper so I had to pitch in by being his helper. Nothing strenuous, I just helped by handing things over to him or holding things steady or tidying up his tools. However, I have to say that he never did the same for me. :(
I truly felt like I was doing a million things at the same time but in reality, I could barely focus on one. At least I got paid for my 'hard work'. Know how I spent that hard-earned money? The last day I had to attend class in USM (btw, I've completed my class & will be sitting for the exam on 29/4, can you believe it? haha) I was paid RM40 for 2 translation jobs that I had stayed up late doing. On my way home, I kept thinking to myself that I deserve a little R&R and indulgence. So, I went to Secret Recipe. I've been dying to go there ever since a buddy in USM told me that they've opened a branch in Parit Buntar.
I walked through its door, fully expecting the warm fuzzy feeling I would get when I FINALLY get to bite into a slice of cake. I've been wanting to have a slice since.......forever.
I got myself a Chocolate Indulgence. It has several layers of something and something. The first bite was divine! (Cue sound of a choir here) I practically smacked my lips a few times just to savor the taste. Don't ask me to describe it though, I have no idea how to. Hahah. Then, one of the waitress approached me with their menu. I looked through the lunch menu and decided not to order any but I did get an Ice Blended Cappuccino. Then, into my 6th bite of the cake and my second sip of the ice blended drink, I began to feel terrible. The cake was RM6.50 and the drink? RM8.90. Plus government tax and service tax, the total was RM17.40. The euphoria didn't last very long when I began to think about how much I've spent. I could've used the money for something else other than splurged it on overpriced slice of cake and a drink.
Anyway, while on the way home, I rationalized my spending by telling myself, it has been a long time since I last bought anything for myself. Sure, I could've saved the money or used it for buying groceries for my family, but ultimately, I did felt good about myself while I was enjoying the first 5 bites (too much chocolate did make me feel a little nauseous). The feeling was great because I know I've worked hard and earned that money. I did make peace with myself by the time I got home. Suffice to say, it will be another few years before I splurge on a Secret Recipe cake again hahaha.
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